In My Dreams
by usetmysoulalight
Summary: What if Bella kissed Jake that fateful night in the truck after her cliffdive? What if years later she found herself married, with children, but haunted by the memory of her first love? *this is NOT a team Jacob fanfic*
1. Chapter 1

The characters are of course not my property, but they are oh so lovely to visit and play with...

Night Terrors

I awoke gasping, feeling like I was unable to catch a solid breath. It was the same old dream, again. The same dream that had haunted me since I was a teenager. Jake. The old truck. Our first kiss. And me, a wreck. Me, lost, alone, and trying to fill an unfillable void.

It happened in the dream just like it had happened almost twelve years ago. Except for the end. The ending was not real. Couldn't be real. Could not be real because that would be even more heartbreaking than what had really happened.

I was broken then. And I would not be broken again. Ever.

Jake had held me. His breath warm against my neck- just as warm and comforting as it was today as he slept soundly beside me. He had hesitated, lips almost touching, but not quite. And I had reached out for him, trying to stop myself from drowning in the sorrow that threatened to take me then. His kisses soothed me then as they still do now, though not as frequently. The windows of the truck had fogged, clouded with the moisture from our still damp clothes after my free fall at La Push, and with the heat of his body on mine.

I remembered the sadness. Loving Jake...wanting to give him something to ease his pain at Harry's passing. It had felt good to be wanted. After feeling deserted for so long, it had been easy to just let go, to let it happen.

I touched my fingers to my lips, remembering those first kisses. Jake's kisses. Warm and tentative and then growing more heated, more insistent. More...possesive. He had been almost fierce, as if trying to brand me...as if he knew that I hadn't really belonged to him and that I would always...Stop it Bella. Now.

I let him. Let him take me, right there in my driveway, in the front seat of the truck.

His hands had fumbled with my buttons, finally tearing my shirt in his frenzy to get beneath it. And it had felt good-the warmth of him against me, lips, breath, tongue-momentarily erasing the chill that had set into my bones since...Stop.

I had slid onto his lap, grinding against him...enjoying the sensation that had always been carefully denied by...And god, but his hands had been everywhere, all at one time. He had whispered my name over and over, "Bells, sweet Bells, my Bells"...

I wasn't sure which of us had reached for the buttons to his cut-offs, but they had been off in a hurry. I smiled, remembering my suprise that he hadn't been wearing any underwear...hell, he still didn't wear any today much, come to think of it.

He had laid me back against the seat, and I had wrapped myself around him willingly. He mistook my small gasp of pain to be the same sort of passion he was in the throes of. He hadn't grasped my pain at all, any more than he did today. Hadn't guessed that when he had entered me that first time, that not only was there a small sting of physical pain, but that my broken and bleeding heart had broken a little more.

He had taken his time though. He let my inexperienced body find his rhythym, and then let me lead the way until I couldn't tell who was pushing or arching. Couldn't tell where he had ended and I had begun. It was slow and sweet, and we came together that first time.

He had apologized repeatedly about my shirt, forcing me to wear his inside. He had paused on the front porch, a strange look on his face, frozen. And in that moment, all those years ago I had decided.

I had decided to live. Really live and really try with him, my Jake. Because in that moment when he had frozen at my door, I had been terrified that he was going to leave me alone inside. Alone with thoughts that were ripping my insides to shreds when all I wanted to do at last was move on...just like...

I smiled again, remembering Charlie's reaction. He had come home that night to find Jake in my bed with me-clothes on, granted-and he had been happy. Not furious and disappointed, but happy-maybe relieved I guess. He never fought our marriage, never complained about how young we were, never questioned our age difference. And that had sealed it for me. I had made two of my favorite people happy. Jake was estatic. Charlie was pleased. And the subsequent years, and two children that followed, had blended together, until recently.

Because now the most that I slept was two hours at a time. Because now the dream was back. Every night. Sometimes more than once.

Jake and I in the truck that first time. Except for the ending.

The dream's ending was not the sweet relief that reality had been. The dream ending shook me to my core...ripped open an old wound...made me question everything I thought I knew to be true...because at the end of the dream...when we got out of the truck...Edward had been there, and the look of hurt on his face haunted me in the glare of the sun just as it haunted my dreams.


	2. Cloudy days

_As always, the characters herein do not belong to me…try to stick with me here if you're not a Jacob fan because neither am I, lol, although I do feel some serious sympathy for him, after all, would you want to have spent twelve long years with someone you adored, only to discover that you would never have their heart?…also, this story comes more from dark places in the heart that my other one here, try to hang in there though, please ;)_

Cloudy days

I sat quietly in the room that had once been my father's and listened to the sounds of Jake's evenly timed snores. There were still a few hours until dawn—not that dawn looked to be to promising, judging by the sound of the rain against the window. I tensed, listening to one of the boys cry out in his sleep. Silence.

Several minutes passed and I relaxed back into the pillows when no more sounds carried from the boys' room—my old room. My boys…Charles and William, named for both of our fathers, although the boys could not remember their grandpas. They had been very young when the accident had happened. I shook off my dark thoughts and laid back down, knowing I would not be able to get back to sleep but determined to try. The bed was warm, and I let my eyes close slowly…drifting slightly.

The wind and rain blew in a fresh onslaught against the glass, and I opened my eyes again, and jumped, gasping. I sat bolt upright again, staring. For a brief moment I thought I saw…I thought there was someone standing by the foot of the bed. I shook my head, silently admonishing myself for letting my imagination run wild…I had had this experience before—the dark and the moment of my eyes focusing playing tricks on me. Jake tossed, probably sensing my movement.

He rolled into me, pulling the covers and my body against him. He pressed against me and I froze, trying to feign sleep. His hand slid beneath my cami, and I stiffened involuntarily—I did not want to do this…not now…not when I'd just been thinking of…Jake arched against me, and trailed his hand further up, his intentions unmistakable. Damn. I felt like such a cheater sometimes—unable to banish thoughts of…his face…I sighed, and gave in. It was brief, as it had come to be these last few years.

I cuddled for the acceptable time, and then excused myself to the bathroom. I showered until the hot water ran out, and then slipped into my robe. I woke the boys next, and got them set up with cereal downstairs in the kitchen with Jake. While everyone was eating I hurried upstairs to get ready for work.

I docked my ipod and started to apply a little makeup as well as settle my hair into some semblance of combed. I opted for an up-do, since I had a parent-teacher conference scheduled for that afternoon at the boys' school. I mulled over my sleepless night as I applied a little cover-up to my resulting dark circles. Maybe I needed therapy…I had thought I'd put my 'past' before Jake behind me a long time ago, but every few years it seemed to resurface…this time being the worst.

I loved Jacob—I was sure of that, but I wondered if it had ever been the right kind of love. Or was this perhaps just the 'down' cycle of marriage that people were always discussing on talk shows? Even Jacob seemed different too though now…distant…no patience…definitely the shortest fuse I had ever seen him with. And how in the hell would therapy work for me if I was sworn not to discuss the details of my…well, first love…if I couldn't be honest, then how would it help at all? I began to giggle suddenly, picturing some 'supernatural' therapist specialist…Good god, Bella, get over it already—you're just stressed, I told myself.

I hummed to the music on my ipod…"Thinking of you"…I sang as I applied a little mascara. 'He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth…he pulled me in, I was disgusted with myy—yself…' I broke off…frozen, staring in the mirror and recalling this morning…and then the mascara was ruined and I was sitting on the toilet crying quietly…fucking Katy Perry…God, what was wrong with me?

I patched myself as best as I could and rushed downstairs. Jake's truck was in the shop and today I would have to drop him at the motorcycle repair shop, the kids at school, head to work, and then run to the conference at the school, back to work, and then pick-up Jake and the kids. Just call me taxi-mom.

Jake eyed me closely when I came into the kitchen. His lips pursed as he took in the circles and smudged eye makeup…What?, I grumbled mentally…Was I supposed to apologize to him because _I_ couldn't sleep?

We loaded everyone up and dropped the boys at school first. When we reached Jake's repair shop, he asked me to come in and take a look at his newest project. He was building a custom bike and was pretty excited about it, wanting to show off a bit I guess. My enthusiasm must not have been up to par, though, because when Seth arrived for work, Jake muscled me out of the shop quickly.

I glanced at Jake and Seth side by side briefly and sighed internally. Despite the fact that Jake was a few years older than Seth, they were identically youthful in appearance…ugh, sometimes it sucked to be one of the few non-supernaturals in our circle. I felt like time was marching across me, while the entire pack had changed minimally in the past ten years. Jake maintained that this was the largest pack the tribe had seen in years…he and Sam had been shocked when Leah and Seth had 'crossed over', even after the…well, after there was no reason to bring on the change.

Jake hugged me at the car door. "Bells…" I looked up at him to find his eyes searching my face. "Maybe we need…" he paused, and at that second a shiny little car squealed into the service drive. A Volvo. I stiffened. A friend of Jessica's whose name I couldn't remember got out.

Jake dropped his arms immediately, feeling my reaction. He huffed and took a step away. "When are you going to grow the fuck up and let it go, already?", he glared at me.

"Jake, wait, I wasn't," I began.

He held an arm up to silence me and shook his head. "You know, whatever Bella, just forget it," and with that he walked in to the shop and left me standing there.

I got into my car and drove to work, crying for the second time that morning, and not really sure why. ************************************************

_Okay, so I was thinking, if Bella's song that morning is Katy Perry's "Thinking of You", then Jake's is "Missing your Love" by Johnny Lang…please check it out, it's a good one, even if you hate Jacob, LOL, and it'll help explain what's coming next…Let me know what you're thinking, please…_


	3. Stormfront

_As always, the characters herein are not my property and no copyright infringement is intended…_

~Stormfront~

Jacob texted me later in the morning: Don't forget, Seth and Leah are coming for dinner tonight.

Great. As if the day wasn't going to be hectic enough, now I needed to figure out a presentable dinner for company. Not that Seth cared, I thought with a smile; that guy would eat anything. But Leah? Ugh…

Leah and I had never really warmed to each other, even after I had married 'into the pack'; she had never gotten over her initial dislike of me due to my involvement with…the Cullens. I think she blamed me in part for her metamorphosis, which for her had been unwanted, and I knew it would be pointless to argue that the vampires in question who had supposedly brought on her change had been in the area long before I had been born.

Leah was the complete opposite of her brother. Where he was considerate, kind, and selfless, Leah was insensitive to the point of rudeness, self absorbed, and all too frequently tactless, and occasionally downright cruel. The pack had had to intervene on more than one occasion to stop Leah from running with the worst sort of crowd. She was destructive with her body, never hesitating to take drugs or expose herself to pretty much every STD out there with her innumerous conquests.

I secretly thought that Leah was an intentional thorn in Sam's side. She never forgave his imprinting on Emily, whether he had a choice in the matter or not. I kept this opinion to myself though, knowing that whether it was true or not, Jacob would protect his fellow pack member, even from his own wife's derision.

When I arrived at work, I reminded Mike that I would have to leave for a bit to make the school's conference. Mike rolled his eyes, and I bit back the urge to remind him that he was now my employee, despite the fact that the store was still called Newton's. The business had been in trouble financially a few years back, and Jacob and I had invested part of our fathers' insurance money to purchase the store. For convenience's sake, we didn't change the store's name. We kept Mike on as a favor, although I think he frequently forgot that.

The conference at the school went well; the boys were both earning high marks in their classes. I went back to work feeling like I had done at least one thing right that day.

I left a bit early, swung by the grocery, and picked up a few items for dinner. I had decided on a greek salad and homemade pizza—one of the boys' favorites, as they liked their pizza with as much cheese and as little sauce as possible.

I picked up Jake from work, who uncharacteristically met me promptly outside the shop, and then headed to pick up the boys. I tried to make conversation in the car, but Jacob was surly and quiet. The highlight of the car ride was the 'happy dance' that William did when he found out we were making pizza for dinner. Jake was mainly silent with the boys as well.

When I pulled into the drive, Leah's car was already there, parked next to the makeshift garage Jacob had assembled for his 'at home' mechanical projects. I had argued heavily that such an addition was unnecessary, since he'd already opened his own repair shop, but apparently this logic was lost on him.

Leah was leaning against her car, and Jake headed to greet her and discuss his latest projects. Leah nodded to me briefly, saving her smiles for Jake. 'Bitch' I grumbled to myself, noting her usual lack of clothing. I was quite sure that Jake had seen everything beneath those clothes during the course of their 'phasing' together with the pack, but would it kill her to wear a bra or something that actually covered all of her ass for once? This was a 'family' dinner, not a nightclub, for god's sake.

I headed inside, picked up the house in a hurry, and got dinner started. I smiled at the squeals from the boys as their 'Uncle' Seth arrived, and began their usual horseplay. I wondered briefly if the gene that the boys undoubtedly carried would ever be triggered…would they ever 'run with the pack' as well? If so, I would take comfort in the fact that Seth would be there to watch over my sons, in addition to Jake…Seth was very much like a second father and playmate rolled into one, and despite the more than a decade that had passed since we'd met, Seth looked very little over the age of 21. Unlike me, I thought with some regret.

Seth came into the kitchen after he had finished rough-housing with the boys, and helped me get the pizzas into the oven, making small talk briefly. Seth, like Jacob, was quieter than usual, and I wondered if there had been a quarrel at the shop.

Seth and I were gossiping about the rumors that Mike Newton had been seen spending an awful lot of time with Jessica's friend Lauren, without Jessica, his wife, present. Jake and Leah walked in at the end of our surmises, and Jake inquired sharply as to what we had been discussing. Geez, I thought, here comes the gossip police…as if I had never heard Jacob and the pack trade tales like old women before.

Dinner was strained, full of uncomfortable silences, with even Leah and Seth barely speaking. More than once I thought I caught a glare pass between the two of them. Probably another brother and sister spat—the two of them seemed to always be on the opposite sides of any issue anymore. I was relieved when I could excuse myself to put the boys to bed and leave the atmosphere of discord behind.

When I came back downstairs, I discovered that Seth and Leah had left without saying goodbye. That didn't surprise me coming from Leah, but it was unusual for Seth. When I questioned Jacob, he seemed irritated, and claimed ignorance to any odd behavior between the siblings. "They're probably just having a disagreement…You read too much into everything as usual, Bella", Jake said.

On that note, I headed upstairs to shower and get ready for bed. When I checked the downstairs area before heading to bed for the night, I didn't bother to rouse Jacob from the couch. Maybe a few nights on the sofa would improve his attitude.

I slept fitfully, if at all, lulled occasionally by the smattering of rain on the glass. The dream woke me twice, and then I jumped on more than one occasion, thinking I heard voices outside, but when I looked out the window I couldn't distinguish one dark outline of trees and shrubs from another. The smell of the rain permeated the bedroom, and I rose twice to be sure that I had closed the window completely.

I awoke to find that Jacob had left for work already. He left a note saying that Seth had picked him up, and that his truck would be ready to drive this afternoon, so he wouldn't need a ride after work. In a post-script, he added that there was a pack meeting tonight, and he would be home late, but would I please wait up for him so that we could talk. Talk. Great. Just what I needed, another argument.

I spent the entire day in a state of unease. Mike was hung-over, and I was tired and grumpy as hell. We didn't make for a very good team. I took off early for lunch, citing a headache as an excuse. The boys had little league football practice after school so they didn't have to be picked up as early today. Maybe I would call Mike and beg off for the remainder of the day. I was hoping to grab a nap if at all possible. God, but I was absolutely tired, weary to my very bones.

I pulled in to the house, surprised to see Seth's truck by the road. Probably on some errand of Jacob's, as usual. I headed inside to discard my purse, hoping to catch Seth before he left and see if he needed a sympathetic ear. I was surprised to find the door unlocked.

I opened the door slowly and stepped into the hall, turning towards the living room when I heard a noise. I froze. There, bent over my sofa and naked from the waist down was Leah. And right behind her was my husband, with his pants partway down, buried inside of Leah. The noises they were making made them oblivious to my entry. Feeling bile rise in my throat, I turned and left the house as silently as I had entered. ****************************

_K, so review, please & let me know what you're thinking…_


	4. Eye of the Storm

As always, the characters herein are not my property and no copyright infringement is intended…

~Eye of the Storm~

I flopped into the seat of my car and sat there, in shock. At least two minutes passed before I noticed that I still had the car door open and one leg outside in the drizzling rain. I debated the merits of returning to the house and confronting Jacob and Leah, but I decided I wanted to collect my thoughts first. I was just…shocked. The thought of Jacob cheating had never crossed my mind before. And with Leah? I had just always assumed that their relationship was more along the lines of siblings.

I started the car and drove away, unsure of where I was going. I wasn't calm enough to return to work yet, and I needed to think. As far as Leah was concerned, I wasn't surprised at the betrayal. There was no love lost between the two of us, and she had certainly made every effort to be as promiscuous as possible after Sam had married Emily.

I cringed mentally, realizing that this must be the reason for Seth's withdrawn behavior recently. I was sure he would not have approved of Leah's most recent conquest. And then another thought occurred, this one even worse. The whole pack must know. They could read each other's minds when in wolf form, and unless this was something that had just happened today, which I didn't consider likely just by how those two had been 'engaged' together…then, they must all know, because the pack had just been called together by Sam not even three nights ago. Jacob hadn't told me why, and I hadn't thought to ask.

Dear god, how disgustingly humiliating. Not just to be in this situation, but to realize that the people that I was closest to must have known…significantly before I did. How had I been so blind?

I was furious suddenly. Furious with myself, for being so oblivious…furious with Jacob for betraying me in this manner…furious at my friends, for allowing me to remain in the dark. The more I thought, the better I knew my decision was to not have returned to our house. I was so enraged that I just wanted to pound something, anything, into dust…and Jacob's face would have worked just fine for that.

I looked up, registering where I was with surprise. I had not been here in almost a decade. I parked my car off the highway near one of the local hiking trails, and got out slowly. A picnic table had been installed sometime ago apparently, and I sat on the worn wood of the table, letting the trees shelter me from the mist of rain that was still falling. This was where I had gone hiking for the first time when I had moved to Forks…and the path ahead…that would lead to…the meadow…our meadow.

I wept suddenly, not for Jacob, or Leah, but for all that had been lost, all those years ago. I cried for all the hopes that I had had then. I wept for the girl that I had been, and that unshakable certainty that first love is…before you know what heartbreak is.

Edward. I let myself think the name that I had been avoiding for so long, and was surprised that there was no fresh ache…just the dull one that I had come to accept long ago. God, how I had loved him…craved him…a real, tangible need that I had almost been able to taste…and if I were truly honest with myself, a need that had not dimmed with time. I had simply learned to ignore it, because it was always there.

My tears fell more fiercely, and guilt began to mix with my rage. Guilt, and shame…because I knew without a doubt that the pain I had grown used to feeling whenever I actively thought about Edward, was ten times worse than this fresh hurt from Jacob, even after more than a decade. I still longed to have what I had first called love…and my marriage was a pitiful imitation of what I knew love could be…and if I could recognize that, then surely Jacob had too.

I started to wander up the old path, and then stopped. I would return here, and soon, but I had other things to face now. I climbed back into my car and drove back to town. I checked the time on my watch, and turned towards Newton's. I still had a good two hours before the boys would be ready to pick up, and a long night ahead of me after that. I had decided to wait until Jacob got home from the pack meeting to talk. I would use some of the time in between to try to formulate what I wanted to say.

I was surprised to find the store relatively busy, most likely due to the upcoming holiday weekend. I bailed Mike out from behind the counter so that he could go assist some hikers in search of equipment. Mike seemed grateful for my reappearance, and if he noticed any tearstains, he didn't acknowledge it. I said a silent prayer of thanks, for either his tactfulness, or his lack in powers of observation, whichever might be responsible.

We worked through the crowd, if you could even call it that, together and I let Mike head off while I closed up a little early for the evening. I picked up the boys and we went out to eat for a change. I took my time over my meal, not hungry, but not anxious to return home to what would be waiting for me.

I paused outside the front door with the key in the lock, until William actually nudged me. For a moment I thought I had caught a vaguely familiar scent…something faintly…I shook my head. Either my mind was playing tricks on me, or when I had hugged our waitress (someone I had known from high school) I must have transferred some of her perfume to myself.

The boys both complained of a headache, and I let them skip their bath and head to bed, worried that their coach might be pushing them too hard.

I busied myself in the kitchen, and then sat with a book, killing time until Jacob arrived. The words on the page made no sense, and I must have reread the same passage twenty times before I gave up trying and settled for just watching the growing shadows in the living room. I was startled to hear the sound of Jacob's truck in the drive, and even more surprised when I realized that I must have dozed off. It was rare for me to fall asleep so easily.

Jacob took his time coming inside, and I sat quietly, if not patiently. I turned on the lamp beside my chair as he came in the door, a silent signal that I was waiting. "Bella?" he called hesitantly.

"In here, Jake", I answered.

"You alone?" he asked.

"Yes." Who the hell else do you expect? You just left your girlfriend's side, no doubt, and it was hours past the kids bedtime. Quit stalling, you ass, I thought--as if I was any more anxious to have this discussion than he was.

Jacob touched my hair briefly as he passed, and I restrained the impulse to smack his hand. He took a seat across from me rather than beside me. Fine by me, I thought, my anger flashing again. He twiddled his thumbs nervously, looking around the room before he began.

"Bells, I need to talk to you".

"I gathered that much from your note Jacob", I wasn't going to make this any easier for him.

He cleared his throat. "Bella…I, umm, I've begun to have feelings for someone else", he looked at me apprehensively.

"Really? It looked to me like you were having more than just feelings this afternoon at lunch."

His face froze. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you, on lunch today, with Leah's nasty ass laid out on my sofa."

Jacob drew in a sharp breath, and I saw a few emotions war across his face. Surprise…anger…defensiveness…mixed with at least a little shame. "Oh, so you know about…he said he would give me a chance to tell you myself, but I guess I should have known better", he finished, a little angrily.

What the hell? I was the one who should be angry here! I took a deep breath, "No Jake, I saw you. I came home for lunch and I saw the two of you together. Here. In the living room." I eyed the sofa with a little disgust. "If you're talking about Seth, no, he didn't tell me anything…but I'll be sure to thank him for instilling the idea in your head that you ought to tell your wife you're having sex with someone else, since it apparently didn't occur to you on your own."

Jacob eyed me strangely, almost as if sizing me up…and then he broke. His eyes welled with tears and he covered his face with his hands. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't intend to…I didn't go looking for it and I didn't do it to hurt you. And…it's not just sex. I… I love her."

Well, that put a different spin on things. I sat, absorbing this. It hadn't occurred to me that there would be any sort of depth to a relationship with Leah…I had assumed it was just…well, fucking. "You love her," I echoed him, noting to myself somewhere that although this was a surprise; it didn't really bring any fresh pain with it. Was I numb? And with that word, I drifted mentally to a few bars of Pink Floyd's 'Comfortably Numb'…god, what the hell was wrong with me?

"Bella…it started as just friendship…she knew what I was going through…knew what it was like…because of Sam."

I snapped to attention. Was he actually looking for some sympathy here?

"I made a mistake…I know you tried to tell me…I guess I thought I was in love enough for the both of us. And for a long time I thought you would let him go…I know you love me, but with Leah…I guess I finally know what it's supposed to feel like when someone loves you back, like you must have felt with him."

"Jacob," I began, and then I stopped. I couldn't argue with something that at least part of me knew to be true. This had been my mistake, at least in part, as well…and I didn't have to ask what him he meant.

"I still love you Bella, but maybe now it's like it was how it should have been all along…as mostly a friend. I wouldn't trade any of the time that we've had…but I need to come first in someone's heart for once." I opened my mouth to interrupt again, and seeing this he hurried on. "I'm not saying that to hurt you or to blame you…really…I guess I'm just trying to explain myself…and I am sorry…for what I've done…to everyone…but I can't…I thought that loving you and taking the hurt was better than nothing at all…but I can't take holding you any longer, and seeing him in your eyes."

Jacob rose from his chair, and turned to leave. He hesitated at my chair. I sat immobile, stunned for the second time that day. "I'll be back to get some of my stuff later. Please let me know how you want to handle things with the boys," his voice broke and he was out the door before I could make myself move.**********************************************

So, as always, thanks for taking the time to read this, and please review…dying to know what you're thinking…


	5. Staring at the Sun

As always, the characters herein are not my property and no copyright infringement is intended…

~Staring at the Sun~

I listened to the sounds of Jacob leaving...from the click of the front door, to his key turning the deadbolt, and then his steps to his truck. I sat right where I was as the engine to his truck turned over, and then rumbled down the street, out of earshot. I listened for any sound coming from the boys and their bedroom upstairs. And then I let myself cry.

I tried to breakdown quietly because I didn't want to wake the boys. Our boys. And that brought on a fresh onslaught of tears...and guilt. I wanted to hate Jacob, but I couldn't find it in my heart. I was furious at what he'd done. I felt betrayed...but there was a tiny voice that whispered _what did you expect_? I loved Jacob...but I had known in my gut that it was not enough all those years ago, that it was not the kind of love that you built a life together on...or dragged two children into. Granted, Jacob had known this in part, and had pushed for more anyway...but I had also started to pretend somewhere along the way that he was enough for me-when he wasn't...I had to place a little blame on myself...for pretending that half a heart was enough to give someone, when I had known better.

I had settled. I thought back...remembering all those years ago, when I had compared my life to Romeo and Juliet: _Romeo wouldn't change his mind. That's why people still remembered his name, always twined with hers: Romeo and Juliet. That's why it was a good story. "Juliet gets dumped and ends up with Paris" would have never been a hit._ If I were Juliet, then I had had my Romeo...but mine had left, and I should never have married Paris and tried to pretend that there could be a happy ending for me after Romeo had moved on. _Enough_, I told myself.

I picked myself up off the floor, from where I had slid to while crying, and shook myself mentally. I could not take back decisions that had been made more than a decade ago...made by me or by anyone else. I forced my feet up the stairs, splashed my face with cold water, and headed to bed...alone. I resisted the urge to wake William or Charles to cuddle with me. I didn't really trust myself to answer questions about where Jacob was right now anyway.

I tossed in the bed and traced the cracks in the ceiling with my eyes, listening to the rain falling outside. God, would it ever stop raining? I knew that sleep would not come...hell, maybe I didn't deserve for it to come, I thought, wallowing...and then, somehow, impossibly, it was past dawn. It was still raining, but the sun was creeping into the sky, and I had slept, what, an entire eight hours uninterrupted! I sat up, feeling shocked...and rested for the first time in forever. Some fragment of a dream remained... something… ...music? and something lovely baking? I shook my head, speculating...whatever it had been about, I was unable to recall it now.

I rose, thinking about all that I needed to do today. The boys had a camping trip with the scouts this weekend, and I needed to get their gear together. They were supposed to be on the bus at 6am tomorrow to leave for the trip, and I had promised William I would pick up a new scout book in Port Angeles for him to take with him.

I rushed to wake the boys and get myself ready. I took an unusually quick shower, opting to pull my hair back into a ponytail to dry rather than take the time to blow it out with the hairdryer. I slapped on some mascara and a light coat of lip-gloss. I reached for my cover-up, and paused in the mirror, only to realize that for the first time in a while, I didn't really need it...I marveled at what a full night's sleep could do for under eye circles.

I fed the boys a speedy breakfast of cinnamon toast and chocolate milk, dodging questions about where Jacob was. I let them think that he had left early for work, without really telling them that. I knew I was postponing the inevitable, but I was hoping that this was a discussion that Jacob would be present for.

William reminded me for the third time that he really needed that new scout book before the trip and I promised to pick it up before I went to work for the day. I knew if I headed to work first that something would come up, and my errand would get postponed. I dropped the kids off at school, and left a message on Mike's cell to tell him that I would be in as soon as I returned from Port Angeles, and then turned my car in that direction.

The rain gods had called a temporary cease fire, and I let myself hit the gas pedal a little heavier than usual. Twelve years with Jacob had taught me to appreciate the mechanics of speed more than I had in my youth...and maybe it reminds you of driving with someone else, my mind whispered. I plugged in my ipod, and turned the music up louder, singing along. _Pretty chipper for someone whose husband just bailed on you_, the inner voice noted. I ignored it. _He's not coming back, you know_...I cranked the stereo up a few more notches, drowning out the voice in my head and refusing to dwell on which _he_ my mind was talking about.

The Killers were wailing, and I sang along with them. "_Steal your dreams and kill your prayers_..." I found that if I turned the music up loud enough, my voice wasn't too terrible. I cracked my window a bit, enjoying the lack of rain and the smell of the clean, damp air. I took a deep breath, and joined The Killers for another chorus: "_Take a number where the blood just barely dried, you know I'm on your side... Wait for something better, No one behind you, Watching your shadows, You gotta' be stronger than the story, Don't let it blind you, Rivers of shadow-This feeling won't go! And the sky is full of dreams, but you don't know how to fly_", ouch, tough note there, I cringed at my voice, and continued, "_I don't have a simple answer, but I know that I could answer-oh-oh-Something better, this feeling won't go, Wait for it_..." I hit replay at least three times-leave it to me to find a song that I loved, and then play the shit out of it.

I made it to Port Angeles and back in record time-well, record time for me anyway. I stowed the book on the back seat for William and headed in to Newton's. Mike was late, as usual. I opened the store alone and made myself forego the lecture I had planned for him when I saw how rough he looked on arrival...things must not be improving with Jessica at home. I didn't ask questions though...I had plenty of answers to figure out for myself before I dove into anyone else's problems.

We spent the day relatively busy again, to my surprise. Sometimes living in a small town was good-especially if you were the only sporting goods store for miles. A steady stream of tourists looking for gear came in throughout the day. It really wasn't until the afternoon that Mike and I were alone at all, and he had a chance to corner me.

I winced a little, taking in his appearance. Mike wasn't bad looking typically, but today his eyes were bloodshot, with a patchy beard evident...and good god, he reeked of alcohol. I met his bleary gaze, wondering if he was just starting to feel his hangover, or was still a little drunk...ugh, and I had let him handle customers like this? Mike smiled, and I caught another wave of booze rolling off him.

"Are you feeling alright, Mike?" I asked, becoming uncomfortable as he stepped closer, effectively backing me up against the register and counter. Mike sighed, looking a little forlorn, and sending another breath of, ugh, what was that, stale Jack Daniels my way?

He put his hands on my shoulders and bent down even further, despite me hunching my shoulders and leaning away to put some space between us. "Bella, I just want you to know that I'm here for you…I heard about you and Jake, and if you need anything," he punctuated this by pressing the lower half of his body again me, "_anything_ at all, I'm here for you." I think I threw up in my own mouth a little.

I pushed against Mike's chest, ending the physical contact he was trying to make with my body below the waist, and paused, trying to come up with a tactful solution to this. I didn't want to have to fire Mike, but I was prepared to if he pushed me to it. I dreaded the impact that would have for Jessica, his wife, and their three children, though.

I was relieved to hear the chime over the front door tinkle as a customer entered, interrupting what was bound to be an uncomfortable confrontation. Mike shifted his gaze from mine, pushing away from me and began to mumble "Welcome to Newton's, how may…" before he trailed off completely. I watched as the color drained from his face as if he had seen a ghost. _Please God_, I thought, _not Jessica…I can't deal with this right now_.

I took one sidestep away from Mike, and turned to face the front counter, and froze, feeling the blood drain from my face as well. There in front of me, stood Edward Cullen, looking for all intents and purposes just as glorious as he had in my dreams for the last thirteen years.

"Holy shit…" Mike stammered from somewhere behind me. My sentiments exactly, I thought.

I stood there, not caring that my mouth must surely be hanging open, and drank in the sight of him. I had forgotten how tall he was…how perfectly tousled that hair looked…how full his lower lip was…and the way a pair of slacks like the charcoal gray pair he had on today would hang just so off of his perfectly formed hips, not to mention the way that his black v-neck sweater was clinging softly to his sculpted…_Roll your tongue back in girl_, my inner voice shouted. I met his gaze, taking in his look of concentration, and the slight, all too familiar crooked smile forming.

"You know, you look just like" Mike began, only to have Edward interrupt him.

"Let me guess—Edward Cullen? I get that a lot." Edward smiled, looking at Mike, but extending his hand to me, "I'm Masen, Masen Cullen, and Edward is my older brother." I reached out rather numbly to take the hand Edward had extended, and the moment our fingers touched, I felt that same strange spark of electricity that his touch had always elicited in me. I gasped inaudibly, and then felt as if I forgotten how to breathe for a moment.

"Huh, never knew Cullen had a younger…umm, biological brother," Mike questioned. _Biological? Nice word_, _Mike_, I smirked internally.

I realized that I was still clinging to Edward's hand, and I made myself release it. Edward watched me, a smile playing about the corner of his mouth.

"Well, that makes sense, seeing as we only found each other three years ago through the orphanage," Edward answered smoothly. This seemed to satisfy Mike for the moment.

"So, you must be Bella?" Edward asked, solely for Mike's benefit I assumed. "I understand you are the woman to speak to about camping equipment?"

I cleared my throat, not trusting my voice momentarily, "Yes, what can I show you today, um, Masen?"

"Damn it," Mike mumbled and fairly ran to the front entrance. I looked up to see Jessica's car squealing into the parking lot. Mike hotfooted it outside to meet her.

Edward leaned across the countertop in front of him, closing the space between us. I closed my eyes…dear god, the _scent_ of him…I cleared my throat again, "Edward, _what_ are you doing here?" I managed to ask.

_K, sorry to end it there, but I promise I'm working on the update already…Review, please, and let me know if you want to back track with a little bit of Edward's perspective, since as many of you have guessed, he's been hanging around for a while already, or if you want to move forward from Bella's perspective, we can do that too…There's a NM quote thrown in above: New Moon, Chapter 16, page 371, and The Killers song "This is Your Life" is Bella's car song here—which is BTW an awesome song to crank up and drive to…Catch ya' later ~E_


	6. Rolling Thunder

_Twilight characters are the property of __Stephenie Meyer…the storyline here though, is mine…_

~Rolling Thunder~

I waited for a response, trying not to stare too much at Edward's mouth, which I was finding all too distracting…or his eyes—which were just as striking as I remembered them, but seemed to have even more depth than I remembered, as if some emotion was struggling just below the surface…_Ugh, focus Bella_, I admonished myself silently.

"What do you mean, 'what am I doing here'? I told you, I need some camping equipment," he smirked. When I scowled involuntarily, he continued, looking just a little less sure of himself. "I came to see you…I've been wanting to see you for quite some time," he fairly breathed the last part, and god help me I lost all control of my most basic bodily functions--I could not look away from him, let alone blink, and I seemed to have forgotten how to breathe or swallow, which might have been because my heart seemed to have vacated it's usual position in my chest, and had migrated up into my throat instead. I just stood there, dumbstruck.

The longer I stood there gawking, the closer Edward seemed to lean—and the more that crooked smile seemed to grow. I knew it had to be my imagination, but he seemed to be focusing just as intently on me as I was on him. Which made absolutely no sense, because wasn't this the same person who had lost interest in me and gone off in search of other 'distractions' more than a decade ago? That thought brought me back to reality. I stepped on my own foot quite intentionally just to make sure I was completely back in focus.

I cleared my throat again, "I see…and what did you need to see me about?" I asked. _Stock market advice? Health care reform debate? Maybe a long overdue apology for ripping out my heart and breaking it into a million tiny pieces_? I told my inner voice to shut the hell up, or there would be reprisals with duct tape.

Edward pulled back a bit, seeming to register my frosty tone. "Well, my family is also looking into selling the old house, and I thought you might know if anyone local was interested." _See? Told you he wasn't checking YOU out like you were ogling HIM_! My inner voice was mocking me now. I sighed, knowing the voice was right…if 18 year old Bella had been found lacking, then what could thirty-something Bella have that would interest the younger brother of Apollo that was standing before me?

"And…I thought you could use a friend," Edward finished, smiling softly. A friend? I had friends…granted they weren't the centerfold material in front of me, but I had friends! Unless…I cringed…this was some sort of 'I heard you got left for the village bitch in heat' sort of sympathy visit. I felt my face flush with embarrassment.

"Look, I appreciate your concern about whatever you've heard regarding my present situation, but I'm fine." _So there_!, inner Bella said, blowing a raspberry at Edward.

"Bella, please don't push me away…" Edward paused as my phone began to chirp rather loudly next to the register. I picked it up and looked at the screen; seeing a text from Jake, I clicked 'read'.

I looked up at Edward, "Sorry, I just need to check a text from…umm, Jacob." I had started to say 'my husband', but seeing as how he was currently playing hide the peace pipe with Leah, it didn't seem like husband would apply for much longer.

"Jacob Black?" Edward asked, his eyes flashing. "What does he want?" Edward questioned, sounding disapproving.

I read the text to myself: _Bells, if you don't mind, I'd like to spend some time with the boys tonight—R they still camping 2morrow? Can I call you_? Hmmm…was I ready to speak calmly to Jacob?

I looked from my phone to Edward, who seemed to be glaring at me. "I'm sorry, what?" I asked.

"I said, what does Jacob Black want?" Edward's voice grew sharper, and raised an octave.

"He wants to spend some time with our children," I answered, starting to feel my temper rise at the curt manner in which Edward was speaking to me. "You know, the two children I have? Oh, wait, you don't know them, because you left thirteen years ago to chase after god knows what and now you're back to what? Be my _**friend**_?" I finished, feeling a wave of anger washing through me. I was unreasonably angry, and getting madder by the minute…mad at Mike, mad at Jacob, mad at myself, and now furious with Edward too. I turned my face away, trying to focus on anything but Edward's face, fearing the angry tears that seemed to be brewing.

Edward crossed behind the counter, and gently touching his fingers to my chin, brought my gaze back up to him. "Bella, I know what you're going through, and if you'd just let me…" I swatted his hand away, scared and angry at how my pulse had leapt at his touch. My head had heard Edward say he wanted to be just friends, but my body apparently had other plans.

I looked outside momentarily, distracted by the growing volume of the exchange going on outside between Mike and Jessica. When I turned back to face Edward, he was eyeing me with an expression that was anything but patient. That look pushed me right over the edge.

"Oh, you understand what I'm going through, huh? From what, Jacob's asinine perspective? Because if memory serves, you were the first man to abandon me and move on without a backward glance, Jake's just the second!" I was in full force rage now, and I wasn't even completely sure why—and the fact that I knew there was a strong possibility that I was being irrational only made it worse. I had begun to punctuate each of my words by poking Edward in the shoulder with my finger. "So don't pretend that you have any clue what I feel like when you couldn't even be bothered to leave a forwarding address! I don't need you or your damn hero complex trying to ride up in here on your white horse!"

Edward reached up and grasped the hand that I had been using to poke him with. He didn't speak a word; he simply held my gaze with his. He pulled me into his body...we were now standing so close that I could feel the difference between our two body temperatures...it was like opening the freezer on a hot summer day, but instead of cooling me, the proximity to him washed over and through me, warming my blood and quickening my pulse. He ran the pad of his thumb in slow circles against each of my fingers in turn. I closed my eyes, breathing him in...God, his scent! It was an amalgam: sweet lilac, honey and shea, the fragrance on the wind after the rain, and something comforting and vaguely familiar--almost like my gran's pound cake baking...I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in his chest and wrap myself around him...and then Mike Newton picked that exact moment to come back inside.

* * *

_Alright now, don't be too harsh on me or Bella here—we've all been irrationally angry before and taken it out on the wrong person—and Bella doesn't know what Edward's feeling…she's pretty much convinced herself that Edward left and never came back because he didn't really care…and she was too surprised to vent at Jacob when he left, so she's got some issues with misplaced anger right now…also, before you throw anything at me for ending things here, note that I posted two updates at once this time—the next chapter is already up __…..K, as always, my sincere thanks to you for reading and please review!! ~E_


	7. Lightening Strikes

_The characters contained herein do not belong to me, and no copyright infringement is intended…_

~Lightening Strikes~

I gave myself a mental slap in the face, and tried to fight back the urge to tell Mike to get the hell back outside. Edward stepped away from me, shooting Mike a glare as I removed my hand from his grasp. Mike coughed, but it came out more like a strangled laugh. Edward leaned down, his breath tickling my neck and ear, and whispered, "I'll be seeing you again soon, Bella." God help me, I think I may have actually sighed. I heard the chime over the door tinkle, but I refused to let myself ogle him as he left.

Mike coughed out another snicker, and I flushed. "You always did like 'em young, huh Bella?"

I gave Mike my best death-ray stare. "Piss off, Mike," his smirk vanished, "Oh, and I think you can close up for the night as well," I said as I headed to the backroom to grab my purse. I dialed Jacob's cell from the phone on the wall rather than walk back to the register to grab my mobile.

"Hello? Bella?" Jake's voice answered.

"Umm, yeah, it's me..." I paused, uncomfortable suddenly. "You, ah, you're wanting to pick up the boys?"

"Yes, please, if it's not a problem for you. Have you talked to them about me yet? I mean, about...uh, about us, and things being different?"

I sighed. "No, not yet. I thought that you might want to discuss what you wanted to tell them first...and, umm, maybe how we're still a family? Even, um, even if we're apart?" I choked up a little...this was not a conversation that I had ever really envisioned having with William or Charles and I dreaded

causing them any hurt...I knew that I didn't want to bad-mouth Jake to them, no matter what I was feeling. I was quiet, listening to Jacob's breathing over the otherwise silent connection.

"Bells...if it okay with you, I'd really like to explain myself to them...I want them to know that this is on me--and I'm sorry for anything that I laid on you last night. I know there's no easy way around this...and maybe it's stupid, but I'm hoping that someday we can find a way back to being, ah, friends?"

Great. Did anyone besides Mike Newton want to be something besides my friend today?! Edward might... my mind whispered. Shut it, I told myself, didn't we have enough heartbreak already? Do I really need to go looking for more? Jake continued, "I know we need to talk about setting up some, uh, more permanent arrangements for how we alternate time with the boys...do you want to do that this weekend? While the boys are camping?"

"Sure, Jake...we can figure out a time to talk later," I answered, starting to feel minutely less awkward. "Can I ask where you're staying?"

"I'm back at the rez, at my dad's old place."

"Oh...okay." God, that place hadn't had an occupant in years...how inhabitable was it, I wondered.

"Do you mind if the boys stay overnight?"

I hesitated. "No, it's okay, Jake...I'd like to pick them up so I can see them off for their trip though."

"That's fine, I figured you would...so, I'll see you in the morning?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, I'll meet you at your dad's cabin." We both hesitated, unsure of how to say goodbye anymore.

"Take care, Bells."

I cleared my throat, choked up again suddenly. "You too, Jacob," I managed, and hung up.

I headed back out front, nodding to Mike as I left, and wondering what I would do with myself for the rest of the evening. Jessica was standing by her car outside, parked right behind Mike's truck, and smoking a cigarette as if it were a lifeline. I noted what looked like a freshly made key scrape in the door to Mike's truck parked in front of her...better him than me, I thought, eyeing my car.

"Bella!" Jessica exclaimed. "I haven't seen you in forever woman," she continued, wrapping me in a hug. I hugged her back, oddly touched. "So, I hear your Jake's made an even bigger ass out of himself than my own personal asshole." Jessica never was big on tact; I shrugged and nodded, uncomfortable. "Look, I talked Angela into a girls' night out over in Port Angeles...how about you come with us? It's like impossible to pry her away from Ben so you better jump on it woman," and just like that, I made up my mind to go--the distraction from my own thoughts would be a relief.

"I need to run home and change..." I hesitated.

"No! Ride with me, we can get ready together at my house. I've got a top you can borrow--we'll make each other over and hit the town! Ang is meeting us at a club that just opened there, 'Eclipse', have you heard of it?"

"Umm, no...", but I'm currently experiencing my own personal eclipse, I added silently.

I let Jess squeeze me into a camisole that showed way more cleavage than I was comfortable with--she didn't own much that didn't involve some sort of cleavage display. We compromised and she let me keep my same slacks on though. The makeup was a different story, and I left wearing more eye makeup than I had since my senior prom (Renee had visited and attacked me then), and some sort of lip stain that Jessica assured me was "haawt". By the time we made it to the nightclub, I was wishing I had opted for my jammies and popcorn by the tv instead.

Jessica handed me something pink, and actually rather tasty at the bar. By the time she forced the fourth jello shot down me, I was starting to feel less self-conscious about my outfit, and much more comfortable with the fact that we were probably the only women over thirty in the club. When Angela texted Jessica to tell her that Ben had the flu and she couldn't make it, we were on our sixth jello shot, and god only knows how many pink fruity drinks. I was feeling no pain. Jessica kept disappearing to the dance floor for longer and longer periods, and after my eighth shot I let her drag me with her. At least the floor was crowded enough that if I fell, I wouldn't hit the floor, but be cushioned by the throng of people dancing.

I started to feel like I had found the sense of rhythm I had been missing my whole life...or maybe I was just too drunk to notice that I was off-beat. I noticed when a rather scruffy twenty-something led Jessica off the dance floor, but it didn't occur to me to worry about where they disappeared to. I was one with the music, dancing until I was dripping with sweat. Some guy kept grinding against my ass, and whichever way I turned, he seemed to find me. I was preparing to tell him to piss off, when a familiar face, framed in inky spiked hair smiled up at me.

"Holy fuck! Alice!," I shrieked. I had seen Alice only once in the last decade or so. She had been at my wedding, although I hadn't had an address to send her an invitation to, and I had received a card every year on my birthday, and again at the birth of each of the boys...but never with a return address. I was either too ecstatic to see her or too drunk to ask what she was doing at a bar in downtown Port Angeles--I simply enveloped her in a deathgrip-like hug.

Alice pried me off the dance floor, insisting that she needed some air, and I went along with her, although I protested that my new favorite song was playing. Alice forced something that tasted unremarkably like water into my hand, and I spit it out--shouting to the bartender that I needed another 'pink thingie'. He winked at me, and brought me my drink, as well as a note scrawled on a napkin, and a key attached to a penis shaped key ring. I tried to read the note, and keep my drink away from Alice, who despite the fact that I knew she only drank blood, kept insisting that I pass her my drink.

The note was from Jessica...she had apparently run into an 'old friend', and he was going to give her a ride home and get her car back from me later. At the time, it all seemed to make perfect sense to me--I was just grateful to have such a considerate friend. I won the battle over my drink and refused to leave with Alice until we danced again, because my 'newest' new favorite song had started playing. I threw myself into dancing with an abandon I had never felt before, not caring who I got jostled against, until I felt the ass-grinder behind me again. I spun around, intending to tell the guy to take a hike, only to look up into the golden eyes of a rather irritated looking Edward Cullen.

"Well, if it isn't mister princey high horse!" I giggled, finding my own remark absolutely hilarious. Edward raised an eyebrow, either at me or Alice, and his expression made me giggle even more. I threw my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder, announcing to anyone who would listen that he smelled good enough to be "ebidle". Edward wrapped his hands around my waist, supporting me and attempting to still my movements.

He bent his mouth to my ear, "Bella, let's get some air."

"Geez, what is with you guys and air?" I fairly shouted, "You don't even need to breathe!" and at that Edward hauled me off the dance floor.

Somewhere between the dance floor and the exit, my knees stopped working, and Edward scooped me up as I buckled. I snuggled into him, content to alternately finger the bit of sculpted chest peeking above his v-neck, and to sniff his neck. When he clenched his jaw, I found the muscle there fascinating as well, and stroked him with my fingertips. A strangled groan rumbled through his chest, and I looked into his eyes as we reached an unfamiliar black car that he started with the click of a remote.

I bit my lower lip, suddenly focused on Edward's tongue moistening his lips. I traced its slow path with my eyes, and was unable to stop my hand from reaching up and tracing the full curve of of his lower lip with my thumb. Edward groaned again, and I followed my thumb with my mouth. I gasped when my lips met his and lost myself to everything but the sensation of his mouth on mine. He was hesitant at first, but I was insistent, refusing to let him pull away as I placed a hand on either side of his face...and then his mouth became the insistent one, alternately teasing me with partly opened lips, and then pulling my lower lip into his mouth...my fingers tangled in his hair and I lost the will to breathe as long as this kiss never ended. I sighed into his mouth as he clutched me more tightly to him, and then let me slide slowly down his body until my feet touched the ground. He leaned into me, supporting me against the passenger doorframe, and I gave myself over to letting my body mould to his. His lips trailed kisses across my jaw, down my neck, and into the hallow at the base of my collarbone, his cool tongue lingering, tracing my pulse there. I sighed, completely content as my fingers slid out of his hair and I slipped into unconsciousness. The last thing I heard as I felt him reach to scoop me up again was another low groan as it escaped Edward's lips.

I strayed in and out of consciousness for the remainder of the night. I awoke briefly as we pulled into my drive, and Alice pulled in beside us in Jessica's car, and then lifted me from the front seat of Edward's car. I giggled briefly, thinking how odd we must look with little elfin Alice carrying me to my own door. Edward and his car disappeared to god only knew where, and I didn't remember seeing him again until Alice was tucking me into my bed. I thought I recalled Edward's fingers tracing the contours of my face and neck as I drifted off into the strangest dream where two angels were arguing, but swearing like sailors...

_"What the hell? You call me up, begging for help to find her..."_

_"I don't recall begging..."_

_"Whatever! You needed me to see where she had gone! Then you insist that I go in and rescue her because you don't want to piss her off again..."_

_"I still maintain that I didn't do anything to merit the plethora of anger that I received...she didn't even give me a chance to explain…"_

_"I don't understand why you didn't just wait like we'd planned! You probably scared the shit out of her!"_

_"I couldn't just sit there and let Newton violate her, for fuck's sake--he was practically ready to mount her! If you had heard what that jackass was thinking..."_

_"Emmett is going to tear you a new asshole when he sees what you did to the door to his car."_

_"I said I'll fix the fucking hinges---you're not listening to what I'm saying! I had to get in there fast before he tried any of the perverse shit he was thinking!"_

_"Emmett still is going to have your ass."_

_"Fuck Emmett, and fuck his car door, alright?"_

_"Whatever--I didn't need your interference in the club."_

_"You were letting her get dry humped on the damn dance floor!"_

_"Oh, suck my ass! She's a grown woman..."_

_"I'm well aware of just how grown up she is..."_

_"Yeah, you looked pretty aware while you were pinning her to the door of the car..."_

_"Stow it--she kissed me."_

_"Hey, I was actually proud of you for manning up instead of mooning around like a freaking stalker."_

_"I said stow it, midget."_

_"Whatever--love you too, you freakishly tall stalker..."_

* * *

K, as always, my thanks to you for reading and review please!! ~E


	8. Cloud Spotting

_K, back again…as always, thanks for reading and a spoiler here: my apologies, there's not much Edward in this one…He'll be back soon though, I promise…oh, and Bella's drink at the bar—the 'pink thingy'? It's called a 'South Beach Panty Dropper' and it's pretty close to drinking a long island iced tea—it's got vodka, triple sec, watermelon pucker, midori, and a splash of peach schnapps—add sour mix and grenadine and serve with ice, it's yummy, but be careful, it's got a kick to it! Ok, moving along then…_

_Twilight characters are the property of S. Meyer, with no copyright infringement intended…the storyline here though, is mine…_

Cloud Spotting~

I woke up in a panic to the screeching of a fire engine siren, only to realize that the blaring noise was just my alarm clock. I pressed snooze and just lay there, enjoying the silence for a few moments…ugh, 5:20 a.m. already…geez, I had to focus beyond the throbbing of my head just to remember what day it was…shit! It was Thursday—the morning the boys were leaving for their camping trip, and I had, oh, about 40 minutes to get showered and dressed, pick up the boys at La Push, and make it back into town to meet the bus for the trip…shit, shit, shit!

I ran to the bathroom, holding my pounding head in my hands, stripped, and took the fastest shower of my life—I didn't even allow the water to warm up completely before I leapt out in search of a toothbrush and mouthwash to rinse the horrible taste from my mouth…yuck, my tongue tasted like ass, or what I assumed ass tasted like anyway.

I tried to piece together the previous evening from the blur in my mind. I remembered arriving at the nightclub with Jessica…the disappointment when Angela had been unable to come…and those damn pink concoctions at the bar tasting better and better with each one that I drank. I recalled dancing, and remembered with surprise really enjoying it for the first time in forever…and then somewhere along the way Alice of all people had arrived and Jessica had left, but I wasn't sure which had come first. And, oh fuck, then there had been…Edward.

I flushed from my head to my toes…I had kissed him. Well, maybe attacked was a better word…I thought I remembered him issuing a groan…Oh God, I had attacked him, and he had probably been too much of a gentleman to stop me. I was horrified with myself—what must he think of me, drunk at a club, and throwing myself at him—not to mention my little tirade the day before at the store. God, he must think me insane…a pathetic, drunken girl from his past that had gone from rage to alcohol fueled lust in the span of a few hours. _What the hell is wrong with me_, I wondered, _and why does it feel like a furnace just kicked on internally whenever I picture his lips and, dear god, that kiss? Is this your new thing—molesting younger men?_, my inner voice was asking. I found myself answering defensively, _He's not really younger and you know it! Oh, really?,_ the other voice taunted, _so what got you all hot and bothered last night was strictly an intellectual attraction and had nothing to do with his physical exterior…which is markedly younger than yours?_I called 'truce' between my warring inner voices; reminding myself that this was no time for an internal debate…we were all running late.

I dressed in a hurry, trying to tug on my pants and jerk a comb through the tangles in my wet hair simultaneously. There was no time for breakfast, which was fine considering the turmoil that my stomach was in.

I threw on the first pair of shoes I could find, grabbed my purse in the hall, and ran down the front steps only to end up staring at Jessica's car in my drive in surprise. I had forgotten that I had driven her car home from the club...wait, did I drive her car? I remembered her leaving...Damn...did I even have the keys to her car? I searched through my purse only to come up empty handed. I couldn't find her keys or mine. I turned to head back inside to look for the car keys, swearing steadily. Double damn--I had locked the front door behind me out of habit. Luckily, I found an unlocked window in the living room, and managed to hoist myself through it, scraping my ribcage and side in the process.

I found what had to be Jessica's keys on the dining table in the kitchen, side by side with four Advil and a glass of water, and a small fuchsia envelope...huh. I swallowed the tablets and water, grabbed the keys and envelope, and ran out the front door for the second time that morning. I ignored the speed limit the entire way to La Push, only to arrive and find that the boys, although packed, were not fully dressed. Jacob cast me several strange looks as we searched the small house for a missing shoe, and when I stood up from crouching next to the couch, triumphant with the shoe in hand, he actually laughed at me.

I glared at him in irritation, "What?" I asked, not in the mood to play games. He continued to snicker softly, shaking his head slowly.

"Bells, what the heck happened to you? You've got leaves in your hair, spider webs on your ass, and you're wearing two different flip flops."

I reached up to feel my hair where there were indeed leaves tangled, and looked at my feet--great, one blue and one black flip flop. I explained about my adventure through the window that morning searching for Jessica's keys, which brought up the question of why I had Jessica's car. I mumbled an explanation about needing a girl's night out, and Jacob pursed his lips at me.

I shot him a glare, daring him to say anything. Jacob opened his mouth as if to speak, and then shut it again. Good. I was surprised to see that the cabin was in much better shape than I had expected…_maybe he's been planning this for a while_, my mind noted.

He helped me load up the boys and stow their gear in the trunk, only to stand looking at me uncomfortably. "Would you mind if I rode with you? I'd just like to see them off, you know..." he trailed off.

"No, it's okay" I reassured him, "I'm sure they'd like that."

Jacob ducked his head, looking awkward as he tried to squeeze his large frame into Jessica's tiny car. He finally situated himself, but then inhaled sharply and froze, staring at me. "What?" I asked him for the second time that morning.

"Nothing," he said, pursing his lips together angrily. I rolled my eyes, wondering what his deal was now.

We drove the rest of the way mainly in silence, broken only occasionally by the whispers of the boys in the back seat. We were almost a block from the park where the scout troop was meeting when I remembered William's book. I turned the car around and headed to Newton's to retrieve the book from my car, anxious that the boys would miss the bus.

When we got to the store, Jacob insisted on following in my car, which had been parked there overnight, stating that he could help me out by driving me home after I dropped off Jessica's car, and then take his bike back to La Push so that he could do some work on it there. I didn't see how that was any real help to me, but it seemed pointless to argue, especially with the boys present.

I pulled into the park with Jacob following behind, almost a full fifteen minutes late, but relieved to see that the bus hadn't left yet. The boys hesitated in the car. "Mom?," William asked tentatively.

"Yes?" I asked, turning in my seat to look at him.

"Do you hate Dad now?"

I inhaled sharply, a little taken aback. So, Jacob had spoken with the boys..."No, baby...never...your dad and I still love each other, and you, very much."

"But Dad says that he loves Aunt Leah now."

I sighed, unsure of my voice suddenly. "Well, Dad and I still care about each other, but we're just going to be friends now...we're both still you're parents..." I trailed off.

"Is he going to marry Aunt Leah?"

"Umm, that's between your Dad and Leah...and I'm okay with that," I hastened to add, even if it wasn't completely true. "Just remember that no matter what happens, Dad and I will both be there for you...we just won't be living in the same house anymore," I paused, worried. "Would you prefer to stay home this weekend so that we can talk this out?"

"No!" both boys fairly shouted simultaneously, scrambling to get out of the car. Charles hugged me tight, and William grabbed my hand before turning to the bus, tugging on it slightly until I met his gaze. "I love you, Mom...and it's all gonna' be okay," he said firmly. I smiled, touched at his gesture and marveling at how adult he sounded. I called out "I love you" once more as Jacob wrapped the boys in a giant hug before they climbed on the bus, repeating William's words to me silently: _It's all going to be okay_.

Jake followed me to Jessica and Mike's. No-one answered my knock, so we left the car in the drive with the keys beneath the driver's mat. I made a mental note to text Jessica later; I didn't have her number saved in my phone. I let Jacob drive back to the house. He was silent, casting me covert glances.

When we pulled in the drive, he finally spoke. "So...judging by the stench in Jessica's car, I assume you were hanging out with vampires last night."

I froze, staring at Jacob, remembering the previous evening...I flushed, thinking about the feel of the kiss, well the kiss-ing rather. I hung my head, shame spreading through me, as I recalled again that I had been the one who had initiated things. Ugh, I was as bad as Jessica... I cringed internally, remembering that Edward--correction, Masen--had said he just wanted to be friends, and now here I had gone and attacked him. _It didn't feel like he objected_, my mind whispered. _That's not the point_, I told myself. _Then what is_? My mind countered..._I'm not interested in becoming part of the cougar set_, I answered, belligerent. _Or maybe you're just scared of getting hurt_, inner me shot as a parting comeback.

I shook myself from my own internal quarrel, watching Jacob warily. "Are you seeing Cullen again?" he asked quietly.

"No," I answered quickly, perhaps too quickly. _But you'd like to_..._Shut it_, I told myself.

"Look, I know it's not my place," Jake began. _Damn straight_, my mind shouted. "But please...just be careful...and don't go disappearing on me, or the boys."

"That's a pretty bold statement coming from a man who just moved out over his mistress," I huffed. "And how dare you question me about anything that I choose to do?" _Oh goody_, inner Bella squealed, clapping her hands, _Who are we choosing to do?_, she giggled. _STOP_, I sighed internally..."and don't ever imply to me again that I would ever abandon my children, " I finished, snatching the keys from his hand, and stomping up the steps to the house.

"Wait, Bella," Jake called. I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry," he said looking chagrined.

"You should be." I answered, heading inside and slamming the door in a way that was very satisfying, even if it did make my head throb slightly.

I had the decency to feel a little ashamed of myself for being so huffy, but I felt more justified than I did ashamed, so I ignored the slight impulse to go after him.

It wasn't until I heard the rumble of Jake's bike coming to life a few minutes later that the thought occurred to me that he had jumped to the conclusion awfully quickly that I had seen Edward…when I hadn't even confirmed that the scent in the car had belonged to any of the Cullen's. Could the pack pick out a scent that specifically? Or had Jacob known before I did that some of the Cullen family had returned? The sound of Jacob's bike rumbling faded out as he left. Maybe I should text him…Text—argh! I had forgotten to text Jessica.

I found Jessica's cell number in my address book in the kitchen, and dug my phone out of my purse, coming across the envelope I had stuffed inside and forgotten about earlier. I typed a message to Jessica, explaining where her car was and asking if she was alright, and then opened the envelope.

_Bella,_

_I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with you last night, and since it appears that I am no longer forbidden to 'interfere' with your life (insert an appropriate eye roll at my brother here) I wonder if you might be interested in a little excursion to Seattle with me tomorrow night? For reasons I know will be obvious to you, I know we can't just stroll around Forks, but I'd really love to see you...I've missed you terribly, and if you'll recall, I have risked the wrath of my favorite brother on a few occasions to contact you--so please don't be angry if I haven't been as present in your life as I would have liked, and know that you have been constantly present in my thoughts, and my heart...Now, if I close my eyes and focus--I see that you'll be dressed and waiting for me by eight sharp? You mentioned last night that your boys would be gone all weekend, so plan on being abducted until Sunday at least..._

_Much love, _

_Alice_

I fingered the note in my hand thoughtfully. Something about all of this...it just felt contrived. I felt like I was being manipulated, but by whom and for what exactly? I knew I wanted to see Alice again; I had missed her friendship immeasurably over the years…I gave up my train of thought and headed up the stairs, electing to tame my hair instead of my thoughts before I headed in to work. I docked my ipod and cranked up Ok Go's 'While you were asleep', which had been running through my mind all morning as if on replay—I steadfastly ignored the voice that wondered if Edward would be accompanying Alice tomorrow night.

* * *

_So, check out Ok Go's song 'While you were asleep'—it's been stuck in Bella's mind because Edward was singing it to her while she slept…update to follow soon--Please review! _


	9. Ray of Light

~Ray of Light~

By the time I made it to work, I at least looked better than I felt. I had applied cover-up to the under-the-eye memoirs from my hangover, as well as a little mascara and lip-gloss…and I was wearing two matching shoes. The internal effects of my night out were still going strong though. I alternated between dizziness and nausea, and would periodically break out into a sweat for absolutely no reason…and I swear, even the sweat smelled like whatever alcohol had been in that pink libation.

To top off the mutiny that my insides were performing, Mike Newton was getting on my last nerve. He had spent most of the morning pretending to be manning the phones, but I was pretty positive that the caller on the other end of the line was either Jessica or Lauren; and no amount of artificial enthusiasm about our new line of tents, which he made sure to spout aloud every time I passed close by, could have persuaded me otherwise. I simply didn't have the energy to argue with him today, let alone fire him—it was taking all I had to remain upright as the day progressed.

I wasn't looking forward to going home either. I was facing the possibility of three quiet nights alone until the boys came back on Sunday…three, if I stayed home…one, if I went with Alice to Seattle …which I was still undecided on.

For whatever reason, I was still just as drawn to her brother as I had always been, and I was worried that I would either manage to throw myself at him again, and be rebuffed…or maybe even worse, be accepted. I knew that Edward had said he was offering me his friendship, but wasn't it inevitable that I would want more? And either way that spelled pain for me: hurt if he declined, and even more hurt if he accepted, because I saw no clear way that any feelings for Edward had a happy ending for me. He had already demonstrated what an incapacity for commitment he had—did I really want more of that pain?

_Who said anything about commitment,_ my mind whispered…_you could be friends...with benefits_, the voice giggled. Great. Even the imaginary voices in my head were attracted to Edward. Seattle was definitely not a good idea…but I didn't have the will to completely rule it out.

I really wanted to see Alice, if only to give her a good talking to for disappearing on me so completely. Her absence had hung heavy on my heart over the years, although I was almost positive that had been Edward's doing--part of the whole 'no further interference' from him package so that I could pretend he hadn't existed…_and you were so good at that, so why not invite him back for round two with your heart? _

I shook my head sullenly, musing about Edward…was I going to let whatever my feelings were for him, and I wasn't really sure _what_ those feelings were, stop me from seeing my friend? He may have had the right to end our relationship because he got bored, but he didn't have the right to take away my closest friend in the process_…and it's not like you ever let go of him anyway, you've spent at least ten years pushing your husband away over it until he finally got bored with you too. _I thanked my inner cynic kindly and gave her the finger.

The day finally drew to a close, and I sent Mike home while I stayed to lock up, lingering because I didn't want to face my empty house quite yet. I dumped the entire contents of my purse out on the counter, searching for my keys for the hundredth time that day. I had had to swipe Jacob's spare that morning just to drive my car, and I still needed my house keys. I had left the window unlocked again as I had left, intending to climb in that way if my keys still hadn't surfaced. I just couldn't bring myself to leave the door unlocked; it wasn't like leaving a window unlocked was any less likely to let a thief in, but I felt better about it than an open door. Hmmm…still no luck with my keys, but on the upside I had found an earring I had thought lost.

I went home, and shimmied through the window again, probably creating a fresh bruise to add to the one from this morning. My stomach was finally feeling normal and suddenly I felt like I was starving. I decided I was in the mood for pizza, and I called in one for delivery. I knew it was just me, but I would enjoy any leftovers almost as much the pizza when it was fresh.

I showered and then changed into a pair of yoga pants and a tank top, checking the windows periodically for any sign of lights in the driveway—I was ravenous! I headed upstairs to grab my detangle spray and a brush, and heard the knock at the door as soon as I had put my hand on the hairbrush. I ran back down the stairs, grabbed my wallet to pay for the pizza, and opened the front door only to find Seth standing there rather than the pizza boy.

I was pleasantly surprised; at least now there was less of a void to fill for the evening. I hugged Seth and invited him in, offering to share my dinner when it arrived. He accepted gratefully, saying that he was starving and had missed lunch because he'd been running parts for Jacob all day.

"Sorry for showing up unannounced, Bells, but I forgot my phone at the shop and Jacob had asked me to swing by and pick up a few of his tools from his set here to drop off to him when I head home," Seth said apologetically.

I assured him it was no problem and followed him to Jacob's workshop to help carry anything while I waited for the pizza. "You doing okay, Bella?" he asked as he rummaged through a tool chest.

"I'm hanging in there," I answered, knowing he must be referring to the situation with Jake.

"Look, I just want you to know I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to…" he paused, looking up to meet my eyes, "and I'm sorry for the way that you found out about Jake…and my sister," he finished, dropping my gaze and looking embarrassed. "Sam ordered the pack to stay out of it until Jake told you himself—but I kinda' figured that Edward would probably tell you before Jake got up the balls."

I gasped, surprised, "What? Why would Edward…How did you…," I trailed off, uncertain of how to phrase what I wanted to ask. My mind was whirling in three directions at once.

"The pack knew what was going on for a while, but there was nothing I could do after an injunction by Sam," Seth said, "And when Edward came back for one of his look-sees I guess he read the situation directly off of Jake. He and Jake had a pretty nasty confrontation, and he told Jake if he didn't come clean with you, that he would tell you himself—which of course Jake didn't want."

I shook my head, trying to restore some order to my brain. "What do you mean, one of Edward's 'look-sees'?" I asked, reeling.

"You know, when Edward stops by every few months and checks in on you," Seth answered, looking confused.

I stood still, stunned. "I didn't know that Edward had been here at all since…since he…since we…," I fumbled. "I didn't even know that you knew Edward, since you changed after he…after the Cullens moved."

"Jake never told you when Edward was here?" Seth asked. I shook my head 'no'. "Well, I guess I can see why…it always did piss Jake the hell off when he wouldn't stay away, and it's not like Jake could make him when there's the treaty, and Edward wasn't endangering anyone, he was just watching…,"Seth paused, eyeing me. "Wait, Jake said you'd seen Edward recently, didn't he tell you about any of this?"

"I saw Edward for the first time in thirteen years yesterday. He didn't say anything about…well, anything really…he said he wanted to be here for me, but just as a friend." I mumbled, pretty much in shock, just trying to process everything that had been said so far.

"Um, do you know why exactly Edward keeps returning?" I asked.

Seth opened his mouth to answer just as the pizza delivery car pulled into the drive. I told him I'd be right back, and fairly ran to the car to pay the driver. I turned to ask Seth if he wanted to go inside to eat, and then just stood there with my mouth open…Edward was standing right beside Seth, saying something too soft for me to hear, a small smile forming as he looked at me. I had no idea how he had arrived, or when…or how much of my conversation with Seth that he had overheard.

I closed my mouth and swallowed nervously, heading towards the two of them as they shook hands, laughing together like old friends. And then of course I tripped because I was too busy eye-balling Edward to pay attention to my own feet. The pizza flew from my hands and I headed face first towards the gravel—until Edward caught me. He caught the pizza box midair, and pulled me upright against him in one fluid motion.

I stood there, flushing, partly because I was embarrassed that I had tripped, and partly because I could feel every inch of Edward pressed against me. He chuckled softly, and the sound tap danced down my spine. "Some things never change," he murmured, and I prayed that he meant my klutziness and not the fact that my heart was thudding like a freight train just because he was touching me.

I pulled myself out of his grasp, trying to regain my powers of speech as I straightened my clothes and drank him in. Today he was wearing a green pullover, and denim jeans that fit him perfectly. I was grateful that I was Edward's equivalent to a mental mute as I let my mind dwell for a few beats too many on just how well the denim seemed to be formed to his body, as well as the movement of his chest beneath his shirt as he moved his arm to shift the pizza box.

I cleared my throat. "What are you doing here?" God, I seemed to be saying that to him a lot lately…

"I came to return your keys from last night," Edward said, and I noted Seth's eyebrows rising at the remark. "And Alice wanted me to tell you to stop over-thinking tomorrow night—she says she can't focus on where we're going when whether you're going to be there keeps changing," he chuckled again as he said this. I realized I was going to have to work out what he was saying later, because his hand was still on my shoulder and I couldn't think straight.

He fingered the thin strap to my tank top and gently moved his thumb across my shoulder blade. I lost the ability to swallow temporarily as I watched his eyes wandering over me, from my wet hair to my bare toes. I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra, and then my breasts became conscious of the fact that I was watching Edward's gaze linger on them and _they_ decided to stand at attention. I flushed deeply and watched as his eyes darkened noticeably.

Seth coughed softly, and I broke away from Edward's scorching gaze. "We were just going to have some pizza," I said, "Would you like to join us?"

Edward stepped closer to me, taking my hands in his and then placing the box in between them. His hands lingered a little longer than necessary and I lost focus and began to babble. "Well I mean, I know that you don't want pizza because I know that you don't eat, I haven't forgotten that, I mean, you don't eat **food** food, not like we do anyway…" I trailed off, feeling stupid and flustered.

"I think I'll pass, for tonight," Edward murmured, and I thought that his eyes rested on my lips as he said the word tonight, and for some reason that sent another blush washing over me. "So, I'll tell Alice to expect to see you tomorrow?" he asked, his eyes on mine. I nodded, speech lost again apparently as he leaned his mouth to my ear. I held my breath. "Oh, and Bella? I think we both know that I'd like more than friendship from you." My knees almost buckled. _God help me_, I thought, as he disappeared as quickly as he'd arrived.

Seth laughed at me, and took my hand to lead me inside my own house.

K, review please & let me know what you're thinking…and as always, my sincere thanks to you for reading…


	10. Prevailing Winds

_I've been working on this update for the past week, and technically, there are three updates finished now--the first one follows here, and the second one will post right after this one, so it should be ready to read as soon as you finish this--now, the third one...well, we'll get to discussing that one in a bit here...sorry for posting so much at once--you know I'm not typically into long chapters, but I knew a lot of you were excited to get to Seattle, and there were some loose ends to tie up with Seth here first, so I waited to post until I had Seattle situated...my thanks to you for reading, as always, and I'll see you at the end of the next chapter..._

_The characters contained herein are the property of S. Meyer, no copyright infringement is intended…_

~Prevailing Winds~

I followed Seth inside, feeling as if I were in an emotional and mental fog. My appetite was completely gone, and I felt like I just needed a moment to catch my breath and think things through. Seth fairly led me to my own table and seated me in one of the kitchen chairs, where he stood there taking in my expression, before bursting into raucous laughter.

"Bells, do I need to grab a fire extinguisher? You're looking a little hot and bothered there girl; I thought I was going to have to separate the two of you with a hose for a second there," Seth said, still giggling.

I put my head in my hands, "Just give me a minute…" I focused on breathing, taking slow, deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. After a minute, the breathing seemed to clear my head a bit, and I was able to focus on the barrage of questions I had for Seth.

"So, do you want to try to eat before or after I give you the third degree?" I asked Seth, who was still grinning from ear to ear.

He laughed again, "Let's try eating first, but let me warn you, your sparkly friend just asked me to refrain from discussing certain things with you."

I looked at Seth, feeling a little taken aback and hurt. "So, you mean to tell me that your first loyalty is to Edward and not to me? Aren't you the same guy who I made godfather to my children?" I asked a little huffily.

Seth met my eyes briefly, his expression much more sober. He cleared his throat as he added at least four pieces of pizza to his plate. "Bells, of course you are one of my top priorities; you're one of my best friends. I also owe a lot to Edward, and he has my respect and friendship."

"Okay, let's start with that—how do you know Edward? And what is it that he's done to earn your respect? And how did the two of you even become friends?" I had meant to start out slowly, but what Seth had said had spawned a whole new set of questions for me.

Seth rolled his eyes at me as he tried to swallow a bite, "I thought I was gonna' get to eat first," he mumbled around his food.

I rolled my eyes right back at him, "I think we both know that you could swallow that pizza whole if you really wanted to—I've seen your table manners in action before," I said, reaching for a slice myself. I wasn't really hungry anymore, but I knew I needed to eat, and the pizza smelled delicious at least.

"Hey, were the boys excited about their trip?" Seth asked, intentionally changing the subject and then shoving the remainder of a rather large slice entirely into his mouth at one time.

"I don't want to have to hurt you, Seth, but I will. Yes, the boys were excited; they haven't even called to check in. Now answer the damn questions," I said, starting to feel irritated.

"Tooouuchy…" Seth drawled, smirking. "You seem edgy, Bells…experiencing a little, ahem, frustration?" Seth asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

I felt myself flush deeply, as I relived the feel of Edward pressed against me as he'd caught me. My stomach knotted as I thought about the way his fingers had felt slipped beneath the strap of my tank top…I crossed my arms over my chest to hide my body's reaction and glared at Seth, who in turn laughed at me.

"Okay, okay! Let's see…Edward and I became friends about a year after my change, and," he paused here, his expression sobering. "I also owe him my life, literally."

Seth looked up at my small intake of breath, and nodded. "It's true…look, I know you don't like to talk about it Bells but you remember Charlie and Billy's, umm, accident?" It was my turn to nod now, and I grew serious too as I reflected on the past. Those of us who knew about the supernatural side of things in Forks all knew that the deaths of Charlie and Billy had been no accident…but there had been no way to explain what had really happened to the general population without compromising the pack, so Sam had enlisted the pack and those of us who shared in their secret to keep silent about the truth of what had happened on the boat that day.

Jacob hadn't explained to me what had been happening with Victoria, until after the death of my father. I had been angry at him at first, but I knew his intention had been to protect me. Victoria had returned to Forks not long after the pack had killed Laurent—that last time that I had visited the meadow. She played a clever game of hide and seek for months and months, Jacob had told me. He had wept at the time, telling me how hard it had been to keep his fear from me…fear for my life, and the lives of our two small children. When she was unable to get to me through the pack, she went after what she thought would be the next best thing.

I had spent years blaming myself, and my long gone relationship with Edward for Victoria's malice, thinking that things were just as Laurent had told me in the meadow that day…that Victoria thought that justice would only be served if I were killed, as James had been—mate for mate, even though Edward and I were no longer together. In later years though, I had come to believe that perhaps she had been hoping to draw Edward out, in the hopes of destroying him too—and although it pained me to think of any harm coming to Edward, I had resented him for not caring enough to even be bothered to return to help with a situation that he had helped to create. He had told me once that Alice would be watching…that she would see when Victoria planned to return, so why hadn't he come back, or at least warned us?

And now, here I was listening to Seth tell me that Edward _**had **_come back, that he had been there that day on the boat when Victoria and three other vampires that she had created had slaughtered my father and Billy Black.

Seth explained that Alice had seen only part of Victoria 's plan: that Victoria and a horde of newborn vampires that she had helped create were planning to return to Forks, intending to overwhelm the pack with sheer numbers, and then take me. Edward had returned and had warned the pack, and they had been prepared for Victoria , but Alice hadn't been able to foresee Victoria 's last minute decision to break away from the attack, and head for my father.

Seth said that he and Embry had been left to watch over Billy Black and Charlie as a precaution while the rest of the pack had joined with the Cullen family to fight the newborns. Seth explained that Edward had intended to fight alone alongside the pack, but that his brothers and Carlisle had refused to let him return without them, and that Alice, Rosalie, and Esme in turn had been unable to watch and wait for their mates without joining the fray as well.

At the last second, when the confusion of the battle was underway, Victoria and three others had broken away, and made a beeline for the unsuspecting boat that my father had been on. Alice didn't see their intention until it was too late, and Edward had broken away to follow Victoria, reading her purpose as she flew ahead of him…by the time he made it to the boat, the group had been overwhelmed. The vampires had caught the pack members completely unaware—they had slipped through the sea silently, needing no oxygen to sustain them, and the sea had masked their telltale scent. Seth shivered slightly as he recalled how they had emerged from the water, crawling into the boat with eyes that glowed crimson.

When Edward arrived, two of the vampires had been killed in the struggle already, but Embry was injured, and Billy and Charlie were already lost. Seth was caught between Victoria and another male vampire. Edward had leapt onto Victoria , dragging her overboard, evening the odds for Seth, and allowing him to destroy the last male. Seth described how he had stood staring at the dark water for what had felt like an eternity, while Edward and Victoria had fought below. Finally, Edward had surfaced, with the remains of Victoria , and he and Seth had gathered together the other remains and burned them all on the shore.

"I have no doubt that if Edward hadn't arrived when he did, that Embry and I both would be dead…and Victoria may have still been free to do God only knows what." Seth paused again, his voice low with emotion and his eyes full. "You can't imagine how much Edward blamed himself for not being able to save Charlie or Billy…and Jacob didn't help matters much when he found out about Billy. I don't know everything that passed between the two of them that day, but I do know that that was how Jacob got hurt—quarrelling with Edward afterwards."

I gasped at that, remembering Jacob's injuries—and how he had blamed them on the heat of the battle. Had he just been too proud to admit they had come from Edward? And why had Jacob told me almost every detail about that horrible day, but left out anything to do with the Cullens? Did he hate Edward so much that he couldn't appreciate anything that he and his family had risked—or had Edward insisted that Jake keep it from me? For that matter, why had Jacob kept Edward's presence from me a secret for so many years? Was he so jealous that he really thought that I would have abandoned him if I had known about Edward? I ignored the voice that whispered,_would you have? _ I wondered too, had Edward keep returning out of some sense of misplaced guilt?

Try as I might, I couldn't get Seth to discuss Edward's reasons for continuing to visit Forks—he would only say that Edward had promised to discuss it with me himself. I refused to let myself dwell on hopes that were better left unspoken…

The boys called to check-in, sounding breathless with excitement throughout their hurried call, explaining that they were off to tell ghost stories by the fire. I hung up relieved to hear that they were having a good time.

Seth's revelations had left me with more questions than I had had before, and I headed to bed with a heavy heart, caught up in the whirlwind of my thoughts, and the flame that licked through me whenever I remembered Edward's touch. I tossed around in the tangled sheets, wondering if sleep would ever find me.

* * *

I awakened to the soft sounds of a gentle rain falling—and despite the fact that I had tossed and turned until at least midnight, I couldn't wait to get out of bed and start the day. I wanted to see Alice…and Edward too, hopefully. My inner cynic was warning me as loudly as she could, in her best 'Lost in Space' robot voice, that there was danger ahead, and I knew that she was right…but I just couldn't stop myself. I didn't care if there wasn't a happily ever after in my future; I had grown tired of wading in my own solitude and sadness and I had questions that needed answers.

I rolled out of bed and headed to the shower. I took my time, using my favorite sea salt scrub to exfoliate, and shaving my legs with more attention to detail than usual. I even did a little, uh, 'landscaping' before climbing out of the shower, feeling a little foolish, but…just in case…

I wandered around for at least thirty minutes trying to locate my travel case until I finally found it in the top of the hall closet. I laid it on the bed, and then went to stare into my closet, trying to decide what to wear, as well as what to pack. My wardrobe was suffering from a serious case of 'mommy-itis'…and I realized as I was standing there that I very much wanted to impress Edward with whatever I wore; I ignored the voice that said there was no point because I'd look plain beside him regardless—I still wanted to put forth the effort. I wasn't a teenager anymore, and yet most of my clothes consisted of jeans and t-shirts, basically because I hadn't really felt any need to take any pains about my appearance in years.

I sat down in the doorway to my closet with a bottle of nail polish, determined to paint my toes and meditate on my wardrobe until inspiration came to me.

"I think I can help you with that," said a familiar voice from behind me. I shrieked, spilling the nail polish, and losing the towel I had wrapped around me. I tried to cover my exposed upper body, and turned to give an unrepentant looking Alice a glare.

"I thought you weren't due until this evening" I said in a surly voice, "and I'm pretty sure this is breaking and entering," I added. Not that Alice had ever let a silly thing like private property, locked doors, or personal space get in her way before.

"I could tell that you were going to have some difficulty with your attire for the evening, so I thought I'd head over early and lend a hand," Alice answered, smiling. She offered her hand, and tugged me to my feet easily. "Well, first we're going to have to re-do that pedicure, woman," she said, shaking her head at my toes. "And then, maybe we'll do a little light shopping…"

"Uh-uh—no way. I've agreed to come with you, against my better judgment I might add, but I'm not accepting any shopping sprees, Alice ." She eyed me, looking a little hurt.

"Did you want me to go?" she asked, looking a little chagrined—and somehow, looking at the expression on her face, the years fell away, and it was as if there had been no interruption to our friendship. I took her hand in mine, squeezing slightly.

"No," I smiled. "But you'll just have to make do with whatever you can find here."

Alice's smile lit her face and the room. She pushed me back onto the bed and gathered my small collection of polishes together before seating herself across from me and tugging my feet onto her lap.

"Geez Bella, haven't you ever heard of buffing the nail before you apply the polish?" she sighed. I shrugged—this was all Greek to me. She removed my attempt and performed her own pedicure with a speed that would have made any cosmetologist green with envy.

"Soooo….where are we going?" I asked.

"Uh-uh, not telling—it's a surprise," Alice grinned.

"Okay…what should I wear then?" I asked, fishing.

"Something casual…not too dressy, but still chic…" Alice replied. "Are you sure you aren't willing to go shopping?" she asked, looking through my closet.

I sighed, tempted. "Can't you just work some magic with what's on the premises, Alice ?"

Alice pouted as if she'd been asked to make a horrific sacrifice. "Fine, Bella, I'll see what I can do, but I'm not making any promises."

Alice tossed various articles of clothing on the bed—part of several "options" she was considering, she said. She rifled through the entire closet and every drawer of my dresser. She laid out one selection for me to wear that evening, and then packed two more outfits for me, and I added a cami pajama combo, which she eyed with obvious distaste. When she was finished with the packing, she stood completely still, eyeing me speculatively.

"Bella, I've compromised on the clothing, but I insist on handling your makeup—and we're going to have to stop for shoes." I opened my mouth to argue, but she held up a hand, "No Bella—don't waste your breath, I'm not accepting any arguments," Alice finished, looking fairly immovable.

"Okay," I conceded. "But shoes only!"

"Deal," Alice smiled. "Now, let me modify these jeans, and then we'll start on your hair."

"Modify? Umm, what does that entail exactly?"

"You just let me handle that, Bella. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you'd go find me a blow dryer and some mousse, please," Alice commanded.

Mousse? Did I even own mousse, I wondered. I headed off to the bathroom, eyeing Alice when she followed me and then left with a razor. I located an ancient can of mousse and entered my bedroom, where Alice was placing several strategic slices to my jeans, and then fraying them slightly.

" Alice , didn't that go out in the eighties?" I asked.

"Bella, don't question my fashion sense, just plug in the damn hair dryer and sit on the bed," she answered in a commanding tone. I did as she ordered obediently.

Alice worked me over for at least two hours…first my face and then my hair. She hummed happily the entire time, seeming to enjoy playing beautician. Then she stood me up and removed my towel—nodding her head as she looked me up and down. I turned at least three shades of red. "Good, you groomed…now let's get you dressed," she said, as if my nakedness were of no more importance than the weather.

She dressed me completely—and I do mean completely. She insisted on no panties, despite my protests, dragging on the jeans that she had modified. Next came a cream colored push-up bra in lace that I had bought and then never felt confident enough to wear. Alice even lifted and adjusted my breasts in the bra for "optimal cleavage" as she put it…geez, vampires have no sense of personal boundaries. She finished off the ensemble with a white button-up shirt, leaving a few more buttons open than I would have elected, and then topped everything off with another purchase I had never felt confident enough to wear—a black long line corset that cut below the bust line. I felt like an aging MTV host, but Alice assured me that I looked fabulous—and that I'd be perfect after a little shoe shopping. I sighed at my reflection, and allowed her to drag me outside where we climbed into a sleek looking sports car and sped away.


	11. Chinook Winds

_The characters contained herein are the property of S. Meyer…no copyright infringement is intended…_

~Chinook Winds~

I laid my seat back, and listened as Alice alternately cranked up her stereo and sang along or chattered away about anything and everything: from Esme's latest remodeling project to Jasper's new 'supplemental diet'—Carlisle was trying him on a small mixture of human donor blood combined with a larger volume of animal blood, and Jasper seemed to be more in control of his, uhh, cravings. I tried to focus on the conversation and not the blur of scenery that was passing by— Alice had to be doing 140 or better.

When we got to Seattle at last, it was approaching dusk. Alice dragged me into at least four different boutiques in search of the perfect shoes, purchasing several for herself in the process. Finally she settled on a pair of open-toed sling backs for me, thankfully with a relatively non-frightening heel. At least if I fell, I was in good hands, I thought—and then that thought led me to images of Edward's hands, and I lost my focus completely for a few moments. _Get it together, Bella_, I thought—_you don't even know where this is going for sure! Stop indulging in these ridiculous fantasies_, I admonished myself. My imagination however, only heard the word _fantasy,_ and had headed off into other mental territory that was bringing on another full body flush. Alice eyed me, smirking, and I turned away, not brave enough to ask what she was thinking—or seeing.

We pulled into an extremely posh looking hotel, and the valets fairly leapt to the curb to open my door and Alice's. I exited the car, feeling awkward. Alice flashed a dazzling smile, and the valet greeted her a little over excitedly, "Good evening, Mrs. Hale, so nice to have you here with us at the Four Seasons." Alice nodded to him and slipped him a large bill subtly. I followed Alice inside, turning to glance back at the car once, only to see the valet standing there, staring after Alice with a goofy expression on his face. _Good god, was that how I looked when I was around Edward?_

Alice led the way through the lobby, where she was once again subject to the same dazed, admiring stares from more of the hotel staff. She paused in front of the elevators, rolling her eyes at the sign beside the elevators that announced that they were temporarily 'out of service', and took my hand, leading me to the stairwell, mumbling something that I couldn't quite catch.

"It's only three flights, Bella," she said apologetically. "Maybe the walk will provide you with some practice in those heels," she giggled. I glared. "It's all in the posture," she continued, "Stand completely straight, and then let your hips lead your gait rather than leading with your shoulders—and don't slouch," she sighed. Her instructions made almost no sense to me, and I focused instead on walking slowly as we climbed, trying not to tip over. Alice reached the last flight far ahead of me, and stood there, making little 'tsk-ing' sounds as she watched my ascent. Had I actually been thinking that I had missed this little fashion nazi?

I paused as we entered the landing to the third floor—holy hell, even the hallway was beautifully decorated. We reached a room halfway down the corridor, and Alice handed me a room card before pointing directly across the hall to another doorway.

"This suite is yours; Jaz and I are right across the hall."

" Alice , I don't really think that I need an entire suite," I began, "Wait, Jasper is here?" I asked curiously.

"Of course he is, Bella—and you may not need an entire suite, but Jaz and I certainly do," she answered, winking lasciviously. I blushed furiously. "I just need a minute to freshen up, and then we'll be ready to head downtown."

I watched Alice enter her room before I turned to open my own door with my key card. The suite was huge, and I wandered throughout, taking it all in, amazed at the sheer space and luxury everywhere. The bathroom alone was larger than the entire second floor to my house.

I placed my travel bag by the bathroom vanity and stood gazing at my reflection. I sighed, deciding maybe I should touch up my makeup, well, Alice's makeup really. I added a fresh coat of lip gloss, and smoothed out a little of the eye liner that had flared. I combed out the bottom layer of my hair, trying not to mess up the 'look' the Alice had created. I resisted the urge to change my outfit, feeling more than a little exposed, but I knew that Alice would have my hide if I changed—and as if she could read my mind, she knocked on the door softly.

"I swear, I was only considering changing—I wouldn't have dared to actually do it," I said, laughing as I opened the door to the suite. My laughter died in my throat as I found myself facing Edward instead of Alice.

His gaze travelled over me, taking in my outfit from head to toe and then back, lingering at my throat…or maybe my chest, I wasn't sure which. "I don't think you should contemplate changing anything—it would be difficult to improve upon the way you look right now," he told me, his voice low, eyes flashing slightly.

I gulped, flushing at the compliment, and drinking him in. He was wearing black wool slacks, once again hanging perfectly off his hips, and a grey knit top tucked into them that looked like it might be some sort of cashmere blend—it looked so soft…I wondered if it was as soft to the touch as it looked…_Focus, Bella—Do Not Touch His Chest_ !, a prudent voice was shrieking in my head. My fingers twitched. His hair was in its usual perfect disarray, his eyes so brilliant they were practically sparkling, the typical half smile starting at the corner of his lips…_oh, god, his perfect lips_…Edward coughed softly, and I realized that I had just been staring for god only knew how long, not even speaking.

"May I come in?" Edward asked, completely smirking now. For some stupid reason I began to giggle, reminded of a favorite television program, thinking that yes, he was a vampire, so I should invite him in—and the more I tried to stifle my laughter, the funnier it became until I think that I may have actually snorted. Edward raised one eyebrow at me.

"Sorry," I stammered, still snickering, "must have been your glamour," I laughed. "Won't you please come in?" I said, stepping to the side. Edward's brow rose even higher, but a full smile formed.

"Someone's been watching too much television," he chuckled darkly. "True Blood or Vampire Diaries?" he asked, following me inside. I turned to stare at him, surprised that he had known where my mind had been headed. He took a step forward, now just inches from me—my heart beat escalated in response. He raised one hand, lightly brushing a piece of hair from my left eye, "I am pleased to think that you would equivocate my presence to being glamoured though," he smiled, brushing my cheek lightly with tips of his fingers as he dropped his hand.

I cleared my throat, trying to retain rational thought. "I'm actually very glad to see you. I wasn't sure that you would be here," I said.

Edward looked me fully in the eyes. "Well, I wanted to see you, so of course I came here. I believe I'm one floor directly above you, if I had to venture a guess," he said, eyeing the ceiling speculatively. My breath caught,_Fantasize later_, I told myself, _stay focused for now._

"I, umm, I actually had some questions for you—from the other night?" My imagination started flashing images from the night at the club when we'd kissed. _Not that night_. "I mean, from when you stopped by with my keys? Seth and I talked…" I trailed off, losing my flow of concentration again as Edward took my hand and tugged gently, apparently to indicate the I should sit next to him on the sofa in the suite's parlor. I took a deep breath, wondering why my i.q. had to drop every time he touched me.

"What would you like to know, Bella?" Edward asked, again turning the full force of his gaze on me. I suddenly had the urge to climb in his lap and find out how soft that shirt felt against my face…but I kept the urge in check…barely. Shit…what had I been about to say?

"Ummm…," Edward waited for me patiently. "Oh, Seth told me that you've been coming back to Forks quite a bit over the years." Edward nodded. "And he also told me how you came back and helped the pack with Victoria and…my father." Suddenly I felt like crying. "I never knew…I wanted to thank you for that…" It was no use, the tears were beginning to brim, and I wasn't even completely sure why.

"Bella," Edward whispered, moving closer to me. He took my face in his hands gently, as if I would break, and ran the pads of his thumbs beneath my eyes, wiping away the tears that had begun to spill. I went from tears to complete lust in less than 6 seconds.

I wanted to straddle him and feel his hands on every part of me. My breath quickened and my pulse began to race. Edward's eyes darkened. He moved one hand lower, cupping my jaw, and then dragged his thumb across my lower lip. I slid closer to him, swinging one leg over his, practically panting. He inclined his head to mine, and I closed my eyes, feeling his breath on me…and then from somewhere close by I heard a voice shouting "Go Cougars! Wooo Hooo! Cougars Rock!"

_What the hell_? My eyes flew open and I fairly jumped away from Edward. I looked around, searching for the source of the shouting. There was no-one here…and then I spied Emmett Cullen, balancing on the rail of the balcony outside and laughing uproariously. He leapt down from the railing with far more grace than anyone that size had a right to, and stepped to the sliding glass separating the balcony from the interior of the suite. He tapped on the glass vigorously, "C'mon Bells, step away from the vampire, and come give me a hug." He extended his arms to me, and I laughed in spite of myself.

I slid open the door and was swept up into a huge hug, and then spun in a circle. By the time Emmett set me on my feet, I was giggling like a kid. Edward stood watching, his arms folded across his chest, the look on his face clearly not amused. "You unbelievable ass," he practically spat.

Emmett grinned at him, completely unfazed, and held up three fingers. "Three words bro: car door hinge." I had no idea what this meant, but Edward seemed to understand. I stood there, looking back and forth between the two of them, certain I was missing some unspoken conversation. At last, Emmett shrugged and moved to put his arm around my shoulder, "Hey, Bella knows I was just playing around—and what's wrong with my voicing some support for the whole cougar phenomenon? Dating an older woman is hot—just ask Rosalie," he laughed.

I swatted Emmett's hand from my shoulder, feeling a stab of pleasure at the look I had seen on Edward's face as he had eyed Emmett's hand on me. _Edward Cullen gets jealous over me? Why does that feel so damn good…_

"Alice and Jasper are ready," Edward announced, a few seconds before their knock sounded on the door to my suite.

"Cool! Let's paint the town!" Emmett said, heading straight out the door and into the hallway. I moved to follow him, but Edward grabbed my hand and then stepped in close behind me. I could feel the hard lines of him pressed against my back. The hand on mine let go and slid around my waist, and his other hand slid up my arm to my shoulder, and then into my hair, pulling it aside.

I stiffened, recalling with embarrassment how I had practically jumped him on the couch, and felt a small sting as I recalled Emmett's 'cougar' remarks. Edward's lips touched my neck briefly and then moved to my ear.

As if he had read my mind, he whispered "Just for the record, Bella, I've got more than a century on you—and even if we were going solely on appearances, I hardly think that the expression 'cougar' applies. I believe the correct term would be 'puma'," he chuckled softly. His lips caught the lobe of my ear gently, tugging slightly, and then trailed slow open-mouthed kisses down my neck, inch by inch_. Oh dear god_. If Alice had let me wear panties, they would have been wet.

* * *

_So, about that third update---it's written, and it contains Edward & Bella…and smut. But I've got company over right now, and he's recommending that I don't post the juicy stuff until you lovely readers post some reviews…Wait, hang-on…Ok, Emmett says he'd like to have a word with you—yes, you heard me correctly, Emmett. Sometimes he comes over to watch hockey with me when Rosalie is off shopping…_

**"Hey people—look, here's the deal: you've been given two chapters at once, and there's a third one waiting, but we've gotta' boost the reviews here first. Trust me, the chapter is hot—I'll even cop to spanking one out with it, as long as you don't tell Rose. So, my boy's fate is in your hands. Are you gonna' let Edward get laid _finally_? The boy's balls have been blue for decades practically. If you review, you get to the good shit _at last_…and if you don't, well, let's just say that nobody likes a cockblocker."**

_Ok, Emmett and I will hang out here for a bit, until we hit at least 5—wait, sorry, Emmett says at least 10 more reviews—we're at 45 now, so we've got to hit at least 55 before the sexin' can commence—I'll be here, just waiting to post—maybe Emmett and I can surf for some porn while we're waiting. 10 shouldn't be too difficult; you've got two chapters to review already, and I know at least 5 of you in the Fangover Lounge who are reading this (5 pumas x 2 reviews (1 per chappie) = 10 reviews)—so c'mon, put down your drinks pumas, and review so Edward can get laid already. _


	12. Heat Wave

_The characters contained herein are not my property—I am simply using them for my own twisted purposes…no copyright infringement is intended…_

_**This FF is rated M for a reason & the following chapter contains sexual content—if you don't like that sort of thing, then please don't read it—the rest of you perverts, carry on ; )**_

~Heat Wave~

Edward pulled away just before Alice shouted, "Enough with the goo-goo eyes, you two! It's time to go!" He stepped in front of me, and taking my hand, led me into the hall where Alice, Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie stood waiting. Jasper hugged me briefly, and Rosalie and I exchanged awkward smiles—honestly, I was shocked to see her since she'd never exactly warmed to me in the past.

I felt like the proverbial ugly duckling as we crossed the lobby. Was there anything as uncomfortable as being watched by a huge room full of strangers as you Quasimodo-ed your way along beside five super models? _Please don't trip, please don't trip_, I chanted silently like some sort of mantra.

We loaded up into a positively huge stretch limousine, the valet again ogling Alice as she passed despite the look that Jasper gave him. When Rosalie bent over to step inside, the doorman literally fell down the front steps stretching to check out her backside. Emmett gave the poor guy a knowing wink, and patted her backside before climbing in too.

I stepped into the limo carefully, all my focus on not stumbling, trying to ignore the distracting sensation of Edward's hand on the small of my back as he helped me in. Edward got in last and sat opposite of me, which left me with plenty of time to try to stare at anything but him…and of course, I failed, mainly because every time I tried to sneak a quick glance at him, he was already staring at me and our eyes would lock. Our bizarre chemistry was beginning to feel like it was actually palpable.

The car glided to a halt in front of a rather shady looking blues bar, and we all piled out. The bouncer at the door checked each of our id's meticulously—especially Rosalie's. When Emmett finally looked up from his conversation with Jasper about a recent game to see what the holdup was, he fairly knocked me over to get to Rosalie's side. He straightened to his full height, towering over the bouncer, while placing a protective arm around Rosalie. I thought the effect was actually more comical than menacing, but the bouncer was fairly trembling by the time he checked my identification.

We were shown to a table by a petite blond who was positively spilling out of her bustier. She made eyes at Edward the entire time that she stood at the table taking our drink order, but he ignored her completely, sliding in next to me in the portion of our table that was a booth, leaving the rest of our group to sit in the remaining individual chairs.

There was a band playing on a poorly lit stage, their faces barely visible in the dim room, and the music that flowed from the stage was a combination of jazz, blues and rock. The crowd was sparse, but most of the patrons seemed to be engrossed in the music being played, barely sparing a glance at our party.

The waitress brought our order, placing three bottles of wine in the center of the table and a carafe of what looked like orange juice. I counted six goblets from her tray as she added them next to the bottles of wine, still openly drooling in Edward's general direction before she placed my drink, a tequila sunrise, in front of me. She offered to open a bottle of the wine, but Jasper stood, taking the bottle and corkscrew from her and opening the bottle himself.

I sipped my drink, eyeing the wine dubiously. _Why in the hell order three bottles of wine, and six glasses, for five vampires who only drank blood? _I shrugged at my own inquisitive psyche—_maybe they just like the color_, I thought, watching as Jasper filled each glass partially, before placing the last one in front of me. I raised my glass towards him, trying to indicate over the music that I already had a drink, but Jasper just smiled as he tipped the bottle completely upside down, shaking seven single drops of the brilliant red liquid into my glass, which he then pushed towards me.

The band stopped, exiting the stage to applause from the crowd, and in the moderate quiet that followed, everyone at our table raised their glasses, looking to Jasper expectantly. Jasper murmured something in another language that sounded like something to do with goats and dads to me, and everyone clinked glasses in turn with mine. Edward smiled, nodding at my glass, which I took it to mean I was to drink from. I downed the few drops, baffled.

I turned to Edward, "Okay, explain please," I requested.

"Gotas de la felicidad," he murmured, nodding to my glass. I raised a brow questioningly. "Jasper spent some time in and around Mexico," he explained, "and he was conferring on honor on you. The last seven drops of the wine represent happiness, and according to legend, they will bring happiness to you, the person who consumed them."

I smiled at Jasper, touched suddenly, and watched as Edward refilled my glass. I pushed the drink I had ordered to the side, thinking that I preferred the taste of the wine to it anyway. I listened to the multiple conversations at the table, sipping my wine slowly, lost in my own thoughts. I noted the wine of everyone else's glasses gradually disappearing as well as they surreptitiously disposed of it into a nearby potted plant.

I was surprised when I looked up at one point, to see Jasper attempting to catch my eye. I tilted my head, taking in his expression, which he apparently took as an invitation. "Bella, I've wanted to apologize to you for quite some time—about the last night that I saw you," he hesitated, "before we left." I shook my head, embarrassed, recalling the night in question, my eighteenth birthday…just a few short days before Edward had disappeared from my life.

"Jasper, no apology is needed," I began, but he shook his head, interrupting me.

"I'd like to explain myself, Bella. You don't know much I've blamed myself…seeing both Edward and Alice suffer, missing you in their lives. I just want you to know how sorry I am, for allowing myself to be so…overcome. My only excuse is that I was struggling with my own, ah, cravings at the time, and when I saw your finger…: he paused, and I thought his eyes darkened momentarily, but it was gone in a flash. "When my own bloodlust was coupled with what I was absorbing from everyone else in the room, it was too much and…I apologize for losing control, and for what happened with you and my brother as a result," he finished.

I drained my glass, feeling much more in the limelight than I was accustomed to. Alice was rubbing Jasper's arm, saying something too low for me to hear. "Jasper, I don't blame you for what happened—you couldn't help it, and I don't hold you accountable for what happened with Edward. He made his own choice to leave—and I don't think that I've ever completely understood it, any more than I understand why he's back now, and has been back for some time apparently, though he couldn't be bothered to show himself to me," I finished, surprising myself. This wasn't exactly how I had envisioned having this discussion, but Edward met my eyes unabashedly.

"Bella, leaving you was the biggest mistake of my entire existence. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy." Edward closed his eyes briefly, before opening them to meet mine again. "I thought that I knew what was best for you…I thought that if I could convince you that I didn't love you, that it would make it easier for you to move on, so I lied to you. Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty—and then when I thought you were gone—when Alice told me you were dead, everything went black," Edward hung his head.

"What do you mean, when Alice told you that I was…dead?"

"The day of your cliff dive, at La Push…Alice _saw_ you jump. We thought you were gone. I came back—I wanted to see you one last time…but when I returned…Jacob was with you."

I froze, echoes of my dream haunting me, and now it was my turn to hang my head, feeling shame wash over me. Edward continued, "It was quite some time before we realized that Alice simply couldn't _see_ the wolves."

I shook my head, trying to process everything that Edward was saying.

"I'm not blaming you Bella. I'm the one that left. I thought that you'd moved on…outgrown me, and found something more."

"But why didn't you tell me when you came back? Do you have any comprehension how much grief you could have…" my voice broke.

"I promised myself I wouldn't stand in your way. I wanted you to have a chance at a normal life," Edward's voice was pleading. "And I swore to Jacob that I wouldn't interfere, in exchange for the opportunity to come back periodically…just to see you. He argued that I was a danger to you, and later…to his children, and Sam was inclined to concede his point, but the treaty wasn't specific enough to order me away…and I tried to stay away Bella, I tried—but I ached for you…and sometimes, I thought that you…" he shook his head again. "I swore to Jacob, that I would always be waiting in the wings, hoping…and god help me Bella, there was a part of me that rejoiced when I thought that there might be a chance…and Bella, I'm not afraid anymore—afraid of hurting you. I've endured more than a decade without you—gone from losing my heart when I thought you were dead, to losing my mind while I watched you live a life that I could only envy. Knowing what it felt like to lose you completely…I know that I could never hurt you, that I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature...I'm sorry, Bella. This wasn't the way I'd planned to have this talk—I saw myself being, ah, infinitely smoother," he gestured to his family members, who were staring at us in open amazement, and then he paused, looking up over my shoulder.

I looked up too, and saw one of the band members standing behind me, listening to our conversation with his head cocked at a peculiar angle. He was older, weathered and graying. "Anthony? Anthony Masen?" he asked. "I'd know that voice anywhere!" he grinned, and something about the way his eyes…I registered that he must not be able to see. "Don't you remember me? We went to Julliard together! What was it—1985? Man, but you could play a mean guitar!" he continued on, jubilant, and Edward rose to greet him reluctantly, giving me an apologetic look.

The entire table was gawking at Edward, but I wasn't sure if they were reeling from what Edward had said to me, or the fact that Edward was openly conversing with an old classmate instead of his typical, logical modus operandi. "Thank god the man is blind and can't see the age discrepancy," Alice whispered, closing her eyes, "It's going to be alright," she nodded to herself.

And then the next thing I knew, Edward was supporting the man's weight by holding his arm, and heading towards the stage with him. My mouth hung open as I watched Edward help the man onto a stool by the piano, and then sat down on another stool beside him-and then proceeded to pick up and tune a guitar from the stage. The gentleman turned on the mic, and tapped it twice, "Excuse me everyone, but I've got a real treat for you folks tonight. I've just run into an old friend, and I've convinced him to play a little something with me."

The audience grew silent, turning their attention to the stage once more. I heard Emmett whisper "Holy shit" softly. Edward strummed a few cords, and then began to effortlessly play a song I knew only too well, from Jonny Lang's 'Wander this World' album. When he opened his mouth and began to sing, my heart stopped. His eyes searched the crowd, locking with mine and piercing me to my very soul.

"Every day I see your face I wish that I'd stayed-don't even know what made me run away, it's just the way I play the game. Emotional is not a word I use to explain myself, but now you got me down upon my knees-oh baby please just take me back, and I don't want to be in love, but you're making me, let me up I've had enough-girl your breakin' me…" I listened to him sing, unable to catch my breath, feeling like every word was meant for me, for us, and all the heartbreak that resounded in his voice—it brought tears to my eyes.

When he finished, first shaking his accompanist's hand, and then crossing the room to the applause that had greeted the end of the song, I wrapped my arms around him and hid my tears in his shirt. He sank into the corner booth of the table, pulling me onto his lap.

I heard Emmett telling the table "That was some seriously deep emotional shit," but my face was buried in Edward's shoulder and I didn't want to be moved just yet. I heard his family trying to continue with a normal flow of conversation, but Edward's fingertips had slipped inside of one of the 'modifications' that Alice had made in my jeans, and the sensation was such that I didn't think I could have spoken if I had wanted to. His fingers caressed my thigh, and then slipped further in, to gain access to the hallow beneath my knee. His other hand tangled in my hair, clutching it to his face as he breathed me in deeply—I squirmed involuntarily against him, suddenly soaking wet and unable to find any release.

Conversation stilled at the table around us. "Fuck me; don't you two have a room for this shit?" I heard Emmett grumble.

Edward ceased his caresses, and turned to look at the table, "I believe we have two rooms in actuality," he said, and rising to stand with me against him, he took my hand and turned to leave. "I'll send the limo back for you," was the only other thing he said as he led me outside.

I stumbled as Edward led me outside, unsure if I was intoxicated by the wine, or him, or both…he held me to him tightly, swaying slightly as if we were dancing to music that only we could hear. I didn't notice when the limo pulled up—all I registered was that Edward was taking my hand again, pulling me into him as we settled into the back of the car.

"The Four Seasons, please," Edward said, handing a hundred dollar bill to the driver. "If you can make it in five minutes or less, I'll double that," he added before he hit the button to bring up the privacy glass. The car took off with a jolt, tires squealing, and Edward pulled me completely onto his lap, sliding one of my legs on either side of him. His hands circled my waist, pulling me flush against him. I bit my lip, trying not to moan as I felt him arch up against me, enjoying the flood of pleasure washing through me as I finally found some sort of satisfaction through the pressure and friction he was creating for me below the waist.

"Oh god, Bella," he groaned softly in my ear, sliding his hands to the back of my jeans. I felt his fingertips at the waistband, tracing my lower back, and then dipping lower, beneath the waistband until his bare hand was on my naked ass. His lips and tongue were tracing cool, fiery kisses against my neck as I strained to get even closer to him, and his hand slipped deeper into the back of my pants, exploring. His lips found their way to my ear, "Bella, do you have on anything underneath here?" he whispered, indicating with his hand which 'here' he meant.

I shook my head 'no', my head thrown back to give him better access to my neck. His answering groan was closer to a growl, and I looked down at the sound of fabric tearing. His teeth had torn through the collar to my shirt on the left and the shirt had been pulled open further in the process, revealing the tops of my breasts and bra. His eyes were practically black as he looked up at my face, and then back to the newly exposed skin, His tongue moistened his lips, and my heart thudded faster, picturing his tongue on me…"Bella, may I…" he began, and then whispered "fuck," as the car squealed to a halt. I briefly debated offering the driver a few hundred of my own just to make the ride a little longer…

Edward slid out from under me, and I groaned at the loss. He pulled my shirt closed and slid his fingers into my hair, pulling it forward to my shoulders to cover the tear in my shirt. I sat there, dazed, as he paid the driver and told him to return to the club we had come from, and then slid out of the back seat, taking my hand again and pulling me out after him.

The lobby was practically deserted as we passed through it. Edward halted in front of the elevators briefly, and then reading the 'out of service' sign still posted there, uttered a stream of profanity and turned to the stairwell, fairly slamming the door open, and then pausing to support me as I stumbled against him. He was still swearing under his breath, but all I managed to catch was "fucking", "Emmett" and "Rosalie."

"I'm sorry, what?" I asked, confused.

"The elevators," he answered tersely, "We have to take the stairs because Emmett and Rosalie broke the damn elevator system."

"How did they break," I began, but something in Edward's dark look answered my question, and I said 'Oh," aloud as I flushed with understanding, biting my lip.

Edward eyed my lip, and then leaned into me suddenly, freeing my lip from my teeth with his tongue. I opened my mouth to him completely, sucking on his tongue slightly. He gasped, pulling away sharply, looking me fully in the face. "Bella, if you do that again, I'm going to have you right here in the stairwell"

I breathed out, "As long as you have me..." Edward growled, and literally picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, fairly flying up the stairs. I don't know why, but I was feeling suddenly playful. "Edward, I'm noticing a certain moral ambiguity that I don't recall being present before…"

"I see, and is this problem for you?" he answered as we rounded the first flight.

"No, not at all, I was just wondering why…" I trailed off as we cleared the second floor.

"I seem to recall telling you once that although I'm not human, I am a man…" _third floor_, I noted silently.

"And that, combined with the insanity caused by watching the love of your life from a distance for a decade or so, may have contributed to a certain relaxing in my notions of right and wrong, resulting in more of a focus on what is acceptable within the sanctity of an undying love…" We had passed the last flight and he was sliding his keycard into the door to his suite. He entered the room and released his hold, setting me neatly upright on the floor against the wall, and immediately pressing against me, his fingers lifting my chin to bring my mouth to his, where he paused, less than an inch away. "Are you expressing a legitimate concern, Bella?" he asked.

"Oh, Edward, please," I sighed, and he crushed his mouth to mine. I let my every curve mold to the hard lines of his body. He explored my mouth with his, breaking only to trace my neck with his lips and tongue. He pulled back slightly, his hands slipping beneath what remained of the collar to my shirt, his fingertips grazing my collarbone.

"Please what, Bella?" he asked softly. "Tell me what you want."

"I want you to touch me Edward," I breathed.

"Show me," he answered, his hands sliding down to mine. I guided his hands upward, hesitating briefly before placing them over my breasts. His fingers stroked me, teasing me through the fabric of my shirt and bra, and then I heard the sound of fabric tearing again, and I looked down to see him ripping my shirt and bra apart, from the collar and straps out, as if it were nothing. When the collar and sleeves had been torn away, he reached down to grasp the hem of my shirt that remained, and tugged what was left of my shirt downward, the portion that had been beneath the corset sliding out from under it until all that was left was the corset, and it stopped directly below my breasts.

Pressing me more firmly into the wall, he ground against me, and bent down to take me into his mouth, one nipple at a time, teasing me until I could no longer bite back my moans. His hands drifted, slipping into the back of my jeans as they had in the car, but this time gripping me firmly, cupping my rear so that he could angle his hips into me.

I tugged at his shirt, letting go of his hair with no small amount of regret, but eager to feel his bare skin against mine. He slid one hand out of the back of my jeans, and helped me to pull his shirt swiftly over his head. The feel of his chest against mine was divine. The hand he had used to help with his shirt ghosted lower again, this time cupping my sex, eliciting another moan from me.

"Do you like that, Bella?" he breathed in a low voice.

I couldn't form coherent sentences. "Please, Edward, please," I panted against his mouth…and then there was more tearing—this time my jeans slid to the floor. I stepped out of them, still wearing my shoes and the corset. Edward's hand grazed the drenching heat that was between my thighs. He slid the hand lower, cupping my leg beneath the knee, and dragging it upward to rest partially wrapped around his waist.

His fingers traced the outline of my sex, and then he slowly slid one finger in between my lips and then higher, sinking into me, only to retreat again, and then return, creating a delicious rhythm that my hips began to follow. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think…all I could manage was to cry out as he slid in a second finger…and then a third. He angled the heel of his palm until it pressed against the most sensitive part of my sex, where he began to move in slow circles.

I held my breath, every muscle tensing, knowing I was close, so close…and then his hand was gone, and I fairly wept at the loss. "Bella, maybe we should," he began, and suddenly I was furious, frustrated at being denied, knowing that he must be wanting to stop, just like he always had before…

"No," I practically hissed, attempting to sink my nails into his back, "Don't you dare tell me that you're backing out of this—or that your control is slipping, any of that sort of shit. I'm not some teenage girl anymore." I tried to soften my tone, "I want you, _here, now_…please take me…"

He traced my lower lip with his thumb. "Bella, love…I was just going to suggest that you might be more comfortable in the bed…" he hesitated.

I released my grip on his shoulders, fumbling with the button to his slacks, and then tugging the zipper down. I slid my fingers beneath the band of his underwear, looking him in the eye. "Bella," he said in a tone that held a warning. I dipped my hand in completely, taking him in my hand and stroking…_god, he was huge. _

"Oh, to hell with it," he sighed, and then, removing my hand quicker than I would have thought possible and sliding his pants down further, he guided himself into me, inch by cool inch. We groaned in unison. He cupped my backside with both hands, and lifted me slightly, supporting me effortlessly. He drove upward into me, thrusting deeper and deeper, pushing my back flush with the wall. I climaxed quickly, crying out as I came and he stilled against me, looking directly into my eyes. "Hold on Bella, love—I'm not finished with you by even half," he murmured, and then drove into me again.

_K, quick note, quotes from NM, chpt 22/23, and Eclipse, chpt 22, are intermingled with Edward's dialogue with Bella in the bar-sorry, but I thought SM put it better than I could-oh, and Bella's song in the bar? It's 'Breakin' me' by Jonny Lang-download it, whatever, and listen to all the words, it's worth it-just close your eyes and pretend it's Edward ;) thanks for reading & review please!_


	13. Canicule

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine, no reproduction without express permission…_

_**This FF is rated M for a reason & the following chapter contains sexual content—if you don't like that sort of thing, then please don't read it—the rest of you perverts, carry on ; )**_

_**Ok now, sorry for the amount of time between the last update and this…where were we? Oh yes, our darling boy had Bella pinned up against the wall…but he hadn't quite 'finished' with her yet…go back and refresh your memory if you need to get back in the mood…**_

~Canicule~

I stared into Edward's eyes, taking in his words as I took him into my body, and then shut my eyes again tightly, flushing. I knew it was silly, but I couldn't help but to focus on the fact that he had called me "love"…was that as in "my love", or "I love you"? _Was he telling me he loved me? Or that maybe he had never stopped? _My mind was pulling me in three different directions at once: one part was trying to add up everything that Edward had told me earlier in the evening…before my clothes had been torn off…another part was pretty absorbed by what was happening to my body now, while said clothing was gone…and yet another part was doing cartwheels because Edward freaking Cullen was maybe saying that he loved me…_whoa, he was stopping—why was he stopping? I was sooo close—again…_

Edward stilled, buried completely within me, and I whimpered softly as I felt my orgasm retreat. He transferred my weight from what had been his two hands to just one, and then slowly slid the hand that he had freed upward. "Bella, love…" he whispered. '_Love' again_?

His long fingers inched along beneath the bottom edge of the corset, tracing my hip, and then slid up and over the fabric. Up, up, up…past my ribcage, and then right beneath my breast, his thumb softly stroking the underside and then plotting a new course by trailing the tips of his fingers up my arm and to my collarbone. I watched his eyes following his fingers before shifting his gaze up and into mine. He leaned forward, his lips almost touching mine only to turn at the last moment and touch his lips to the lobe of my ear.

"Are you not…" he paused and bit my ear softly, teeth firmly covered by his lips, "aren't you enjoying this?" He ground his hips into me and then did the faux biting thing to my neck. I gasped, feeling my climax coming back around the corner as he continued to grind against me. "You seemed distracted a moment ago…" His lips were moving down my neck.

_Distracted? He had actually been able to tell that I was distracted? How many years had I spent with Jake, and had he ever noticed or cared if I was 'distracted' during sex? Do I tell Edward that I was just wondering if he was trying to say I love you? Did I even want to know if he loved me—was I ready for that?_

"Bella?" Edward whispered, looking into my eyes. "Where are you? If you want me to stop…" he looked uncertain. He began to pull away, and my body took over for me where my mind had left off, ignoring any wandering thoughts and focusing instead on what his body was doing to mine. I wrapped my arms and legs around him and kissed him fiercely.

"Please don't stop, Edward," I said in between kisses. "You have no idea how much I want this…how long I've wanted you…" His lips were back at my neck again, eliciting another moan from me, and his hips began a steady rhythm against mine again. He let his free hand travel between where our two bodies were joined and he began to press slow steady circles with his thumb against my core. The sensation, combined with his steady teasing thrusts was sending me right to the edge again.

"Don't you think that it's been the same for me," he whispered against my ear. "You have no idea how it's been…" he punctuated this with another of those faux biting motions at my neck, "watching you…", bite, "wanting you…", bite, "aching to possess you." His lips at my neck were echoed by his thrusts, growing more frenzied, "fantasizing about having you…" bite, thrust, "just…" I was breathless, teetering on the edge of my climax, hanging on his each word, "like…" another bite and thrust, each harder than the last, "this…" Edward groaned and I felt him explode in me, and all of the combined sensations, his hand at my sex…him buried in me…his teeth, still firmly protected by his lips, biting against my neck…and most of all his words—it all sent me over the edge into an orgasm like nothing I had ever experienced before. I cried out, feeling my body clench around him from within, and throb against him where his hand was still on me.

Edward moved both of his hands, letting my legs fall from where they had been wrapped around him, and then grasping my waist as I slid against him into a standing position. I was grateful that the weight of his body was still effectively pinning me to the wall, because I didn't think that my legs would have supported me just then. Edward buried his face in my hair, breathing deeply, "Oh, Bella...my love…you are…well, words fail me," he whispered into my hair.

I didn't try to respond; I didn't think I would be able to, so I just wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his chest. I sighed contentedly and placed several small kisses against his chest. I was surprised to feel him grow hard against me in response. _Good god…again, already? _I looked up into Edward's face questioningly.

He chuckled as if he could read my mind and knew what I had been thinking, and pulled away slightly. "Bella, would you object to investigating the bathing facilities here? I understand they are quite exemplary."

I couldn't help myself—I giggled outright at him; sometimes Edward sounded more like an aging schoolteacher, not at all like his gorgeous exterior. He raised one brow at me while I laughed. "Do I amuse you, Isabella?" he asked darkly. I continued to giggle. Edward ducked down swiftly and wrapped his mouth around my left nipple. I gasped as he teased me with his cool tongue, and then cried out, startled, as he lightly slapped my bottom at the same time.

He raised his head, grinning mischievously at me. "Now that I have your full attention, I repeat, would you object to a bath?" I nodded, at a loss for words, my ass stinging in a surprisingly not unpleasant way and my libido back in full swing. Edward scooped me up in his arms as if I were weightless and carried me in what I assumed was the direction of the bedroom to his suite.

I gasped again when we entered the bedroom, and Edward paused in the doorway, taking in my expression. The room was larger than the bedroom in my suite had been, and it was lit completely by what had to be at least a hundred candles, scattered across every available surface. The temperature in the room had to be at least a few degrees higher than that of the hallway we had just come from, undoubtedly due to the candles everywhere.

I looked from the room to Edward's face, trying to read his expression. "So, did Alice tell you that I was a sure thing? Or were you intending to seduce me?" I asked.

Edward grinned a little sheepishly. "I won't deny that I was hoping to convince you to come here with me…but what makes you think that I needed any help from Alice with any of this? I'm a little wounded, frankly…" his hand traveled from where he had been supporting my thighs and slipped inward, stroking my inner thigh just below my sex. My temperature raised a few degrees more. "Are you trying to tell me that you find me somehow inadequate romantically?" Edward asked, his voice low and teasing.

I swallowed, trying to keep my thoughts coherent. "No, you were more than…adequate," I whispered. _Seriously? Did he really have any doubts as to how I felt about him in that department? Geez, the guests two floors above and below could probably tell that I had enjoyed myself…_

"More than…adequate?" Edward echoed my words speculatively. He shook his head, making a tsk-ing noise with his tongue, smirking at me openly. He gave an exaggerated sigh, "I guess you're going to have to help me refine my technique_._" _Damn, could I possibly get any wetter?_

My heart was racing and I flushed, embarrassed, certain that Edward could hear it as he crossed the room and entered the bathroom, which was also significantly larger than the one in my suite. Good god, the tub was like a small pool, complete with what looked like jacuzzi jets and an inlaid seat running along the sides. Edward placed me on the edge of the tub, if you could call it that, turned on the water, and knelt in front of me.

I noted his absolutely huge erection as he crouched—at least I wasn't the only one with an overactive libido. He removed my heels one at a time; I had quite forgotten that they were still on. His hands ran up and down my calves enticingly, and then he reached up and grasped the lower edge to the corset. My breathing quickened.

"As lovely as you look in this, I think it's time to remove it, shall we?" he asked, his voice low again. He began to unfasten the small hooks slowly, working his way upward one at a time, and I found myself suddenly nervous. It was silly, since we had just had sex, and he had obviously seen the more intimate parts of my body, but I was suddenly very conscious of the fact that my body was no longer that of an eighteen year old. Edward reached the last hook at the top and let the corset fall, gazing up at me.

I flushed, crossing my arms around my body self-consciously. Edward met my gaze questioningly. "Why are you covering yourself? You are incredibly lovely," he said, looking confused.

"Sure, lovely, if you like love handles and stretch marks," I answered sarcastically.

Edward reached up and drew my arms away from my body. I flushed even darker. He looked me fully in the eyes, and said intently, "I have never seen anything more beautiful than your body, right now."

He bent his head, his lips gently touching my knee, and then moving slowly up my thigh. His hands cupped my breasts lightly, tracing my nipples with his thumbs. I sighed involuntarily. His lips reached my lower abdomen, and his hands dropped, caressing the upper curve of my rear. "And as to how much more voluptuous you are now than the girl I first met, I'd be happy to demonstrate just how much I enjoy tracing the contours of your body…" His lips were parted against my abdomen, and my heart was racing, my embarrassment fading swiftly. His tongue traced the edge of what I knew must be a stretch mark from pregnancy, "and as far as these are concerned, I only wish…" he paused, his expression darkening. He shook his head as if trying to erase a thought, and then stood slowly, trailing kisses upward with his tongue and lips as he rose.

He lifted me easily, placing me on the seat inside the now full tub, and then climbed in after me, again kneeling in front of me. The warm water swirled around us, and steam hung in the air. He leaned into me, pulling me forward and slipping in between my legs. His kissed me softly, parting my lips as he kissed me repeatedly.

"There is absolutely nothing that you need to hide from me," he whispered, his lips at my ear now. "Don't ever cover yourself in front of me again…" his lips were doing the biting thing at my earlobe, "You are more beautiful than I can say, and there isn't an inch of you than I don't want to possess." And with that, he slid completely beneath the water and kissed me in a much more intimate manner, drawing the first of many gasps from me, and effectively demonstrating just how wonderful it can be to not have the need to breath underwater.

_Ok…gonna' break again here--Emmett and I have to catch up on some hockey games on the DVR—review please, and I promise to update swiftly… -E_


	14. Northern Lights

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

_**This FF is rated M for a reason & the following chapter contains sexual content—if you don't like that sort of thing, then please don't read it—if you do enjoy it, then by all means, carry on ; )**_

_As always, thanks for reading, and glad to hear that most of you enjoyed 'Scubaward' (so named by Alicia) and his bathing techniques… ; ) Here we go…_

I laid my head back against the edge of the bath and tried to remember to breathe. The air was heavy with steam, and I felt almost faint from the strength of the last orgasm Edward had given me—and he had yet to resurface. All I could make out of him was a dim outline of his body and the swirl of his bronze hair beneath the foaming surface of the water.

I couldn't remember the last time that Jake had bothered to do what Edward was currently doing to me. I know, it's bad form to think about your ex while you're with your current lover…_whoa, Edward and I were lovers! Why did that make me want to squeal like a teenager?_...but sometimes your mind wanders where it wants to wander, you know? Jake had insisted on sex in a hot tub once, and honestly, the whole experience had left me thinking that it was really overrated. The heat and the water had washed away any umm, natural lubrication, and the whole affair had been rather uncomfortable—but what Edward was doing to me…his lips, his tongue—_oh my god, now his fingers_…it was unbelievable how good it felt.

_What was it Jacob had once told me about battling vampires? That the pack was just as fast and as strong, but that vampires had the edge when it came to water?_ I looked down at the bronze strands swirling in the water and began to giggle uncontrollably…and then Edward resurfaced. It was like watching some freaking commercial for bath soap or something—he came out of the water, glistening from the combination of the water and his skin, and my laughter died in my throat as I watched the water trail down his lips, jaw, neck, and chest. He tilted his head back, skimming the water and his hair off of his face, and then fixed his gaze upon me intently. _God, it's not fair…why does he get to look like a playgirl model when I look like a drowned cat when I'm wet?_

His tongue appeared and slid over his lower lip, removing any moisture remaining, and I blushed, thinking about where his tongue had just been…

"You know, Bella, all these years, whenever I let myself revel in thoughts about the two of us together…" he leaned forward, parting my knees so that he could come closer, "and I promise you, it was frequently…" he paused, dragging his lips against my neck. I shivered, and then felt his lips at my ear. "The two of us alone…" his tongue traced my earlobe, "sans vêtements," _holy hell, was that French_? "I didn't picture you giggling quite as much as you have tonight—would you mind telling me what you find so amusing?"

I couldn't see his face; so I only had his voice to go by as I tried to decide how serious he was—and regardless, it didn't seem like a good time to mention that I was doing a mental comparison of his and Jacob's intimate skills…**ever**...even if he was the winner—by a huge margin. I opted for distraction instead of an actual answer. "Edward," I turned my head to whisper in his ear, "as much as I love the sound of your voice, I have to tell you…" I paused and bit his ear. He groaned and I continued, "The other ways that you've put your tongue to use? Edward, you have no idea what you do to me…" I took his hand and guided it between my legs, and then bit his neck sharply. His sharp intake of breath was almost a hiss, and he stood suddenly, scooping me up in the process. I continued to nibble and suck on his neck.

He cleared his throat, "Bath time—officially over. Time for bed," he announced, pausing to grab a towel as he stepped out of the tub and carried me to the bedroom. He set me gently on the edge of the bed and proceeded to slowly dry me off with the towel, occasionally interrupting the motion of his hands with soft kisses.

When he finished, he wrapped the towel loosely around his waist, unfortunately ending my view of naked Edward…temporarily only, I hoped. He disappeared to the bathroom briefly, returning with a large brush and a second towel. I was relieved—I had been looking for something to cover up with since my bag was downstairs in my own suite, but instead of offering the towel to me, Edward instead sat behind me on the bed and proceeded to gently dry my hair where it had gotten damp in the tub.

His cool fingers threaded through my hair time and again, separating the damp strands before he brought the brush to my hair. I lost count of how many times the brush rose and fell. The sensation of Edward's fingers, combined with the brush in his other hand, was hypnotizing. It was such a simple act—him brushing my hair, and yet so intimate and erotic. I gave myself over to him completely, just enjoying the slow sweeping strokes of the brush and gazing out at the view of the city that I could glimpse from the glass by the balcony.

Eventually, I began to feel self-conscious, and I reached to pull the covers down and fold a sheet over me, but Edward stopped me gently. His hand covered mine, tracing patterns across my knuckles with his fingers.

"No, love…" his lips brushed the back of my neck. "Please don't. I told you—don't hide yourself from me. I want to see you. I want to know you…," his lips trailed across the back of my shoulder, making me shiver. "Let me look at you…let me learn very inch of you…"

His breath and the feather soft brushes of his lips against my neck, back, and shoulders were doing strange things to my pulse. "You are exquisite, my love," he whispered. I closed my eyes, unable to stop the smile his words brought to my lips. Under the spell of his touch…his gaze…his words, I felt beautiful…and cherished beyond anything I had ever known before. I rested my head back against his chest and let myself drift, floating peacefully on some surreal wave.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me more flush against his chest, and then gradually released his hold, only to trace a halting line from my ribcage down to my hip and then behind, skimming the base of my spine. His hand disappeared, only to be replaced by his lips, faintly grazing the hollow of my spine—the pressure was so faint though that I had trouble at times distinguishing between the coolness of his breath as he exhaled, and the slight brush of his lower lip on me.

"Close your eyes, Bella," he whispered against my skin, "and just feel…"

I complied, shutting out the room and focusing on his voice with a shiver. His lips were still dancing languidly against my spine, but they caressed me for longer and longer periods of time before being replaced with just his breath. He was whispering something…something too soft for my ears to catch fully, but there was a rhythm to the words, a fluidity that was almost musical. I lost myself…only to be found again, all in the space between breaths.

His mouth traveled higher and I was able to occasionally catch a distinguishable phrase—the words were familiar, but my mind was too addled to piece it all together into anything discernable. His lips were hovering midway up my back when his hands came to rest on top of mine on the bed. He smoothed his thumbs against the tops of my hands, and then shifted his touch to just the pads of his fingers, tracing slowly upward—first to my wrists, pausing, and then to my forearms before ascending to the hollow above my elbow. He lingered there, caressing, before ascending again to trail along my upper arm and then stop at my shoulders. The tips of his fingers traced my collarbones while the pads of his thumbs smoothed planes against my shoulders. He dragged his lower lip back and forth against my neck, as if he were memorizing the concavity at the base of my neck…and then his lips and hands were gone.

I sighed at the loss, and then gasped softly; startled to feel his lips on mine—I hadn't even felt the bed shift as he'd moved. He placed small, slightly open mouthed kisses against my lips before pressing more firmly, parting my lips with his.

"Open your eyes, Bella," he breathed into my mouth. God, even his breath was like candy. I opened my eyes hesitantly, not wanting to leave the world of touch without sight that he had created. His eyes were on mine, and I drowned in the honeyed depths there. He cupped my face, kissing me softly once more. "Make love with me? Again?" he asked in soft velvet tones.

I nodded my head, not trusting my voice. The electricity between us was palpable, engulfing the entire room. He lifted me completely off the end of the bed and carried me around the side as if I were weightless and then laid me gently against the pillows. He dropped the towel that had been wrapped around his hips and I gave myself an inner high five to see that he was just as aroused as I had become during his simple caresses. I rolled on my side to more fully admire his sculpted frame, but he was on the bed and beside me before I was done staring at him.

He reached out his hand, as if to stroke my cheek, and then hesitated, his fingers barely an inch away. My skin tingled where his fingers hovered above my skin, the slight distance between the two thrilling with an almost electrical current. The sensation was…enthralling. Our gazes locked. "Do you feel that?" he murmured.

I nodded again, speculating—searching for the right words. "It's…almost magnetic," I whispered. "As if my body is separated from my mind, and it recognizes your touch…it's…"

"Irresistible," he finished for me. "La tua cantante," he murmured, grazing my cheek with his fingers.

"Is that…italian?" I asked.

"Yes," he answered, his expression oddly strained. "It's an expression used for what you are to me…the way I'm drawn to you—the way your very blood calls to me…" he paused. "But now I think it's not just your blood…that craving has long since dulled—knowing how it feels to lose.." he shook his head and closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again they were dark with some emotion I couldn't seem to name. "I think now that it's your very being that calls out to me—not simply your blood," he paused again, stroking from my neck to my collarbone, and then slipping around to my lower back. "It's not simply your body either," he continued, pulling me flush against the hard length of him. I couldn't contain the moan that escaped me-he smirked slightly, "Although I must confess that you have quite the effect on me in that sense as well…" his expression grew more serious, "I believe your very soul sings to me—and I am helpless to resist your siren song," he finished, crushing his lips to mine.

We came together, a tangle of lips and limbs as he rolled me to my back, pressing me into the pillows. He slid between my legs and I arched against him, eager. He supported his weight on one arm and slipped his free hand beneath my knee, wrapping my leg around his ribcage and angling himself perfectly against my hot wet core. He positioned himself, and then paused, hesitating.

My breathing was fast and embarrassingly loud as he hovered above me. It was like some sort of adult version of the first time we'd kissed—me, embarrassingly eager, and him, hesitant, seeming to gauge himself.

"Edward, please," I pleaded, arching against him.

His expression changed, suddenly echoing my own need, and he slid slowly into me until his hips were buried between my thighs. He shifted my leg against him, bringing us into a new position, sliding into a deeper and different position than before. And it wasn't just the position that was different…gone was some of the frenzy from our first time together, but it had been replaced by something even more intense, and possibly even more indefinable. I couldn't seem to get close enough to Edward…I couldn't tell where his body ended and I mine began, we were that fused—and yet we both strained closer, arching against each other in a delicious rhythm until we exploded together, sated at last.

I drowsed in his arms afterwards, my head on his stomach, trying hard not to fall asleep, but unable to form any intelligent conversation. I drifted peacefully, feeling safe with Edward's wide arms wrapped around me. I was right on the edge of sleep when Edward whispered, "I love you," but I was incapable of any response as I fell into an uneasy dream, where an angel was reciting poetry with a pixie…

_The angel was whispering, :"When in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes,  
I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,  
And look upon myself and curse my fate, Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,  
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd, Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope…With what I most enjoy contented least…"_

_And then the pixie appeared magically, and the two of them continued together, "Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, Haply I think on thee, and then my state,  
Like to the lark at break of day arising-From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;  
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings, That then I scorn to change my state with kings."_

_The pixie giggled, "Having a little moment with the immortal bard?"_

_The angel sighed, "Do I have to explain the concept of privacy and boundaries again?"_

"_Explain it to yourself, and take into consideration the sex candy you were displaying at the bar earlier tonight—I wasn't sure the two of you were going to make it back to the room! It looked like there was going to be a fire in the stairwell…"_

"_I try to keep my **abilities **to myself when it comes to your sex life, freak, I'd appreciate the same courtesy in regard to your, ah, vision."_

"_Whatever, you're the one who asked me to keep an eye out the she wasn't going to be in any danger!"_

"_I know…and thank you. And thank you for bringing her purse back from the bar as well."_

"_You're welcome—I turned her cell off, tell her she has a text…"_

"_What the hell is **he** doing texting her?"_

"_You know, you're going to have to be more accepting of the fact that they had a life together—and that it's all your fault that they did…"_

"_I **see** what you're thinking…but that doesn't mean that's what has to happen."_

"_It's not my fault that you've created a mess with several messy possibilities for an outcome! If you ask me, this is what happens when you think you know what's best for everyone based on-"_

"_That's enough, midget. If you wake her…"_

"_She's not going to wake up—I checked ahead before I came, but seeing as how rude you're being, I think I'll go."_

"_Wait…please."_

"_Yes?"_

"_I apologize…"_

"_It's alright…so, how was it?"_

_The angel sighed, sounding irritated._

"_C'mon, you know I'm a better listener than Grizzly Adams upstairs."_

"_It was…sublime. And now I'm fucking terrified…"_

"_Explain please, telepathy isn't **my** specialty and I never saw you in any danger of losing control…"_

"_I'm terrified of hurting her again…and of losing her**, again**, and I just don't see how—STOP THAT! I don't care what you've SEEN! I won't allow them to-"_

"_Shhh, you'll wake her!"_

_The angel made a low growling sound._

"_I'll see you later…just…just let yourself enjoy this, please?"_

"_I'll see you soon…breakfast?"_

"_In the woods, before dawn…"_

_K, review please; I read them all and get happy whenever they show up in my inbox—and they motivate to update more frequently ;) And yes, I know Aro is the one who said "La tua cantante" but there was no rescue mission to Volterra in this alternate storyline, and I like it when our boy speaks Italian, so shoot me. ;-) I know that the grammar is incorrect as used here too, but Edward is remebering the phrase as it was said to him, which I'll explain in a later chapter...if you noticed any echo of a certain Blue October song in Bella's 'afterglow', that was intentional as well—the sonnet is Shakespeare, and it's what Edward was whispering while kissing Bella's back—it's one of her favorites, she says.(and if you're interested, Rufus Wainwright does an interesting version of singing Sonnet 29 on u Tube—seriously, you can google it) Big thanks to you wonderful people, as always, for taking the time to read this! –E _

_Oh, and Emmet says 'Hi', and he's open for any discussions about who's gonna' take the cup home this year…_


	15. Red Sky

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

_As always, thanks for reading__,__ & here we go…_

I woke up before the sun had risen. The room was silent except for the hum of the air conditioner, and Edward was absent from the bed, much to my disappointment. I rolled and stretched luxuriously, feeling a little sore, but deliciously so. I fumbled around in the semi-darkness and finally found the switch to the bedside lamp. The light bathed the room in a soft glow, and I sat on the edge on the bed for a few moments, hoping that Edward would take this as a sign that I was awake, but he didn't return to the bedroom, so I assumed he was not in the suite.

I headed to the bathroom to take care of business, pausing to smile at the tub along the way, remembering last night's…activities. I splashed some water on my face, trying to freshen up, and then finally gave up and turned on the shower, determined to rinse off the grime that my eye make-up had become, and to condition some of the knots out of my hair.

The shower was quite possibly the most amazing piece of bathroom technology that I had ever experienced. Three separate shower heads poured rainfall-like water from the ceiling, while little shoots of water spouted from the walls of the shower from every side. It was absolutely heavenly, and I stood there until my skin was almost red from the heat before I even remembered to wash my hair and lather my body up. The hotel's bath products were divine; they smelled like honey and shea…which reminded me of Edward. Between the heat of the water, and the Edward-like scent in the air…and what I assumed was a little swelling down below from my evening with Edward, I was becoming pretty aroused…and I probably took more time than usual washing my more intimate parts…but I didn't have the guts to actually masturbate in the shower of Edward's suite when he would undoubtedly be back at any moment—the relationship just felt too new…too awkward to do _that_ just yet…and it was surprising that I would even think about _that_, when Jake had been begging me to do it in front of him for years and I wouldn't…

I stepped out of the shower and toweled dry, wondering what in the heck I was going to put on. Most of my clothes were torn from the night before, not that I was complaining about that, but the only thing that had really survived was my corset…and I couldn't see myself just wandering around in that. _Hmmmm_…finally I opted for nudity, firstly because of what I was hoping it would lead to when Edward got back, and secondly, I didn't want to just rifle through Edward's things without permission—it just felt wrong, no matter what he had said to me last night…

_Holy hell! Edward said he loved me last night_! I knew he had loved me before, and I knew he must have cared about me even when he was gone, since he had continued to check-up on me (without my knowledge) over the years…but there was something different about this. He might not look any different, but he was…and so was I. This was no longer a shy first love; it was a coming together of two beings…bodies and souls together. It was breathtaking—and scary as hell…because if I really thought about it, I couldn't help to wonder where this was all going to lead. I was coming out of a marriage, with two children…would Edward want that kind of baggage? And did I want to fall madly for someone who was going to complicate the hell out of my life? Assuming that Edward wanted to be with me long-term, what was this going to mean as far as raising my boys? Would we have to move every few years to cover up Edward's un-aging body? Would the boys even accept him? Would Edward ever want me enough to keep me permanently? Eternally? And if he did, did I really want to remain unchanging while I watched my own children grow…and age…and eventually die before me? The very thought broke my heart…

Clearly, there was a lot that Edward and I needed to discuss—but it was still too soon. It was probably foolish to get involved deeper without knowing where the road would lead us, but the thought of not being with Edward, or of ruining our shiny new bubble of togetherness, hurt too much. I would just have to…wait.

The sun was finally up by the time that I got up from the edge of the bed where I had been thinking, and headed to find myself something to drink. I was parched. I hoped the mini-fridge had a bottle of water in it, because I was ready to raid it, and I thought I could hear my phone beeping from somewhere.

I went to the living area and opened the fridge, finding an absolutely heavenly looking bottle of Fiji water—my favorite. It tasted wonderful and the picture on the front reminded me of a trip to the Florida Keys that I had taken with Renee and Phil when the boys were toddlers…I was bent over, mulling all of this in my head when a decidedly male voice said, "Holy fuck," from somewhere behind me.

I spun around to find Emmett standing there with his hands over his eyes. I dropped the water and tried to cover my nudity as best as I could with my hands. "Bells, ummm, can you please get some clothes on because I really do think of you as a sort of sister and seeing you naked is kind of weirdly hot…" Emmett stuttered.

I began to slink back to the bedroom, full flush on. "Well, what the heck are you even doing here?" I squeaked, embarrassed.

"Edward left me to watch over you while he hunted…we were taking shifts—he said he left you a note! Please put some fucking clothes on!"

"Well, I must have missed it! And I don't have any clothes except my corset," I babbled, feeling the stirrings of anger along with my embarrassment. Emmett didn't belong here, I did—sort of—and who in the hell was he to make me feel uncomfortable about my not being dressed? It wasn't as if I'd expected his company, for god's sake! Not long after the word corset came out of my mouth though, Emmett's eyes flew open in shock.

"Just a corset? Fuck, that's hot…I mean, not hot on you, not that you're not hot, you are, it's just that Rose, aw fuck, I opened my eyes! Not looking, not looking!" he stuttered, closing his eyes again and pulling his own shirt over his head and tossing it at me. I was grateful to see that he had on a t-shirt beneath the shirt that he'd thrown at me, up until the shirt that he'd tossed hit me squarely in my face and my open eyes in a horribly painful way.

"Ouch, shit!" I swore, rubbing my eyes.

"What happened?" Emmett asked. "Oh fuck, you're still naked! Sorry, not looking, not looking again, I swear!" he said, turning his back to me completely.

I struggled into the shirt, which fit me like a dress, and glared at Emmett's back. "You can turn around now," I said. "My eyes aren't stinging quite as badly from where you nailed me in the face with your shirt, and I've covered up my offensive nudity."

Emmett turned around. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that you naked was offensive—you're totally a hottie…in a weird, awkward, I don't want to date my cousin sort of way…" he finished.

"It's okay, I get what you're saying," I sighed, "I just wasn't expecting you here, and why do I need an armed guard anyway?" I asked.

"No reason," Emmett answered, entirely too quickly to be believable. I narrowed my eyes at him. "Alice, hey!" he said suddenly, looking towards the living area's balcony.

I turned to see Alice spring down from the railing gracefully. She entered the suite, looking amused from Emmett to me. "Sorry, guys. I got here as quick as I could, once I saw what was coming…but I guess I was too late to avoid any awkwardness," she giggled, looking at Emmett's shirt on me. "How about I head to your suite and get your bag, Bella?" she asked.

"Yes, please, I'd appreciate that, but maybe you should use the door…" I trailed off. Thinking about Alice scaling the outside of the building made me extremely nervous, no matter how unlikely it was that she could be hurt.

Alice looked a little offended though. "Hey, I checked ahead to be sure no-one would see—it's just past dawn anyway! And it was quicker than taking the stairs!" she answered just a little huffily.

"I'm sorry. I wasn't questioning you, Alice. I just wouldn't want anything to happen to you," I answered.

Alice's face softened, "Aw, Bella, that's sweet…silly, but sweet," she replied. "I've missed you," she said, suddenly hugging me. I hugged her back a little hesitantly, a little taken aback at the sudden affection, and wondering where Edward was. Alice answered my internal question as if on cue.

"Edward should be here any second. You might want to disappear," she directed at Emmett. He just looked at her, wearing a puzzled expression, until the front door to the suite slammed.

Edward's voice sounded before he appeared. "Alice, what the hell? You take off running without saying goodbye, and what the hell was that running through your mind—before you started reciting the periodic table of elements in German?"

Edward stepped into the living area, and I swear, my heart skipped a beat and my knees felt weak. _What the hell_, I asked myself, _are you thirteen with your first crush_?

His eyes scanned the room, landing on me. His gaze travelled from my bare feet, to my legs, and then slowly upward. My knees felt weak again as his gaze darkened, but I realized I must have misinterpreted his look when he practically snarled.

"What the," he spun to Emmett and lifted him by the collar of his shirt, which was rather unusual looking, since Emmett was considerably larger. "Fuck!" he spat out at Emmett.

"Bro, wait…" Emmett said, sounding remarkably calm considering the position he was in. "I know you're upset, I'd be too, but I swear, I didn't expect her to walk out naked."

Edward growled even louder. It was scary…and, I'm ashamed to say, a little exciting. "Why is Isabella wearing your fucking shirt?" he asked, giving Emmett a little shake. "And what the fuck do you mean, she was _naked_? You fucking looked at _my_ Isabella _naked_?" He paused, looking at Emmett's forehead like he was trying to bore a hole into it. Emmett squinted his eyes and almost flinched.

"I'm sorry man," he managed to say, and then Edward was literally shaking him like a stuffed toy, which was, once again, bizarre considering the difference in their sizes.

"Did you fucking have to look _repeatedly _though? Did you really _have_ to think—_fuck_! _What_ it was you were thinking?" Edward looked furious, and as it dawned on me that he was furious because he was essentially jealous over me, I am once again ashamed to say that it was…arousing…and oddly touching—which is really odd considering that Jake's possessiveness with me had always irked me, but with Edward…well, it was a turn-on.

"Edward," Emmett's voice contained a touch of anger now, "I'm only going to explain this once more. If you really listen, you can hear what my intentions were. I'm only being patient because I know how I'd feel if it were Rose, but you are going to back off in a second here or I'm not going to be patient anymore."

Edward spared another glance at me before turning back to Emmett. "Take his shirt off, please Bella," he told me. I just stood there frozen. Surely he didn't want me to remove the shirt in question here, in front of Emmett. He looked Emmett fully in the face again, "Why did you give her your shirt?" he hissed, sounding fierce.

"Because she didn't have anything to wear—I'm guessing because you probably ripped her fucking clothes to shit, you stupid dick!"

Edward paused, seeming to take this in. He looked my way again, and his voice was softer when he spoke, "Bella, you could have put on anything of mine," he said.

"I, uh, didn't want to go through your things," I mumbled, "and I apparently missed your note, so I didn't know where you were, and when I got out of the shower I wasn't expecting anyone to be here, well, except maybe for you, and," I stopped myself before actually _saying_ that I liked the idea of being naked with him…that I had _wanted_ to wait for him naked. His eyes darkened as if I had said it out loud anyway. He put Emmett down and licked his lips slowly, still looking at me.

Alice sighed with relief after he released Emmett. "Thank god, I thought we were going to have to get creative with the hotel management there again for a minute," Alice said.

Emmett chuckled, "Hey, it's not my fault their elevator system isn't very sturdy here—personally I think they should have apologized for the anguish that Rose and I had to be put through."

"They might have been more sympathetic if half the hotel hadn't been able to hear the two of you in there…" Alice paused, looking at me uncertainly.

"Uh, fucking?" I supplied for her.

Edward gasped, eyeing me intently. "You said…fuck," he whispered.

"Um, actually, I said fuck-_ing, _but who am I to argue?" I was enjoying the expression on Edward's face. "Why, did it offend you?" I didn't think that it had—he really looked a little excited, but for some reason I wanted to hear him say it.

He shook his head, crossing the room to stand in front of me. "No, love, it didn't offend me—it was rather…arousing," he whispered, slipping his arms around my waist. Holy hell, was he going to have his way with me right in front of Alice and Emmett? Was he just, um, marking his territory? _Do I even care_, I thought faintly as he nuzzled my neck.

Alice was fairly dragging a snickering Emmett to the door, "Well, we'll see you two later," she spoke hurriedly, and all I could be bothered to do was nod because Edward was lifting me, and then carrying me to the bedroom, whispering against my neck and hair that he was apparently going to have to personally remove Emmett's shirt from my body.

I heard Alice call out that she would drop off my bag later, followed immediately by a laugh from Emmett saying, "Shorty, I don't think they're worried about clothes right now." It sounded like she slapped him; his loud "Ouch" echoed as the door clicked shut…but I couldn't be bothered to care what she or Emmett were saying, or thinking for that matter, because Edward's hands were slipping under the shirt I was wearing and slipping slowly up my sides. I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the feel of his hands on my skin, completely forgetting about my phone, my questions about us, and why I needed a bodyguard…

_K, so some of you have been bad…very, very, very bad ;) because you're not reviewing! And some of you review regularly, and I thank you profusely! Catch you later! -E_


	16. Adiabatic

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

_My sincere apologies about the length of time between updates here—I will try to be more diligent. Life and work has just been crazy lately, and we've had a death in the family…and honestly, I've just been struggling with this story and have been a little blocked—the story has an ending, and I've known it since before I started this, but getting there has been proving difficult, and this update is the product of many rewrites—I am not completely pleased with this particular update, but I'm electing to move forward rather than stagnate, so be merciful in your reviews please ;) we left off with Edward in a snit over Emmett, as he slipped beneath that damned shirt, so here goes…_

I closed my eyes as Edward set me on the edge of the bed, and then bent to trace my jaw with his lips; I shivered at the delicious sensation, sighing. Edward's hands paused beneath the hem of my borrowed shirt, where he had been in the process of removing it. His lips ceased their ministrations and he looked me in the eyes.

"Are you cold, love?" he asked.

"No, um, I'm actually quite warm at the moment," I answered, a little confused by the question, and hoping that the insinuation that Edward had my temperature rising would encourage him to continue what he had been doing.

"You shivered," he explained. "I was worried that you were chilly, or that maybe my hands…" he trailed off.

I nodded, finally getting what he had been asking. "No, I'm definitely not chilly, and trust me, when your hands are on me the last thing that I feel is cold," I finished.

Edward face lit up with understanding at what I'd said, and the grin that appeared was boyish and charming. He seemed pleased with the idea that I liked what his touch did to me, which made me wonder if he wasn't just as unsure of himself as I frequently was about myself. I was surprised to find that I wanted to reassure him, to tell him how amazing he made me feel—anytime that Jake had made a request of that sort it had felt like he just wanted his ego stroked, which I had found distasteful to say the least. With Edward though, it seemed…sweet, that he would want some reassurance from me.

I leaned forward, taking in his scent as my nose brushed the skin of his neck, and dragged my lower lip upward until it met the lobe of his ear. God but the smell of him was distracting! I had to force myself to focus in order to communicate what I wanted him to know. I slid forward on the edge of the bed, parting my thighs more fully in order to get closer to him. "When you touch me, Edward, there isn't a single inch of me that doesn't start a slow burn, "I whispered. Edward's hand reached up, his fingertips grazing my hair and then my neck. "You make my body feel things that I didn't even know were possible." I paused and took a deep breath before jumping completely off the emotional cliff in my mind, "and even that is incomparable to what you do to my heart." I heard and felt his intake of breath at my words, and his hand seemed to tremble faintly against my skin.

He drew away from me slightly, looking me in the eyes again. "But last night," he hesitated for a never ending moment, leaving me wondering what he was about to say. _Last night what? Last night was mediocre? Last night didn't measure up to what you thought it would be? Maybe wasn't worth waiting for? Or are you fighting some internal moral struggle like_…Edward spoke at last, ending my internal diatribe. "Last night when I said I loved you, you didn't respond…not that I expected you to, especially if you don't feel the same way, but I was relatively certain that you had heard me," his words were coming more hurriedly, "I just wanted you to know that last night wasn't just physical for me, and that," he trailed off again, looking as if he were at a loss. "God, Bella, how do I always end up feeling like an inarticulate…ass around you?" he finished, shaking his head and breaking eye contact at last.

Was he serious? Edward was anything but inarticulate; and did he really think that I didn't feel everything he said he was feeling, except magnified times ten? I put one hand on each side of his face, forcing his gaze back to my own.

"Edward, I…" I paused, unsure of where to begin, or if I was ready for where this might lead. I didn't want to leave Edward feeling as if I didn't care for him, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to leave myself open to the world of hurt that this could lead me to—of course, I had probably already done that last night. I opted for honesty.

"The only reason I didn't answer you last night was because I was just physically exhausted—largely because of the amazing things that you did to my body," the grin appeared again, making me smile in turn. "I drifted off to sleep in an absolutely blissful state, again largely because of the things that you did," he was positively glowing now, "and I just couldn't muster the energy to tell you what I thought you must already know. I love you. I always have; I always will. I haven't stopped loving you since the day you left, and I haven't been able to love any other man with even one third of my heart because my heart belongs to you, no matter what…" I stopped myself abruptly, unwilling to say out loud the doubts that were plaguing me about what kind of future there could be for us—I reminded myself that I was trying to reassure Edward here, not my own worrisome nature.

I tried to seal off my words and my mind with the best distraction possible—kissing Edward. I leaned forward until we were separated by less than an inch and paused, waiting to see if he would cross the final breath between us. I had no idea why, but I wanted to make him come to me, and that last inch seemed very important suddenly. The next few seconds stretched into what seemed an eternity, and I had to fight against my own impulse, fueled by his heady scent, to close the remaining distance myself. At last, he inclined his head to mine, and my eyes closed as his lower lip brushed mine. He traced his lips back and forth against mine, never really making complete contact; it was agonizing and wonderful all at the same time.

Edward's lower lip was blazing a trail across my jaw, and then down my neck…and then he did it…he did the thing that really sent me over the edge—the thing with the faux biting. He opened his mouth, and carefully covering his teeth with his lips, stroked the hollow at the base of my neck with his tongue, and then bit me…his teeth were completely covered, and yet it was like I could feel them. I couldn't explain it if I tried, but it was incredibly erotic, and my mouth got ahead of my mind. A sigh escaped me, along with the words, "Oh fuck, but I love it when you do that." Edward froze completely, and then moved to look me in the eyes. I realized what I had said aloud and blushed, ashamed of myself, and knowing that Edward probably found what I had said in incredibly poor taste. _Way to go and ruin the moment, Bella._

"Isabella, you have no idea what it does to me when you say that word." I dropped my head, thoroughly ashamed. "It's impossible to explain, but I swear, when you say _that_ word…I just want to bury myself inside you." _Well, helllooo Edward_…My mind began to flash with every single way that he could bury said self in me, and I went from feeling chastised to sex guru in two seconds. _Edward likes a little dirty talk, huh_…I gave myself an inner high five, and moved forward.

I pulled Edward closer by the collar of his shirt, and brought my lips to his ear. I nipped the lobe of his ear with a little more force than I had intended, but judging by the way he fairly growled, I didn't think he minded. I took his hand in mine and slid it slowly from my hip to between my thighs, pausing right before the motherland. I took a deep breath and moved forward with my game plan, lips still at his ear.

"Do you want to feel how wet you get me, Edward?" I whispered. Before he could respond, I slipped his hand, still covered by mine, completely between my thighs. Edward drew in his breath sharply, as I wrapped a leg around him and arched against his hand, sighing softly. I slid myself against him, searching, moaning when his fingers slid inside. "Oh, yes, please, right there," I sighed as his fingers found a rhythm. "You have no idea how badly I want you," I hesitated before jumping in all the way. I arched against him more firmly, "Oh fuck, I want your cock in me." The last few words were strangled, partly because I was getting more and more turned on, and partly because I hoped I hadn't overstepped my bounds.

Any doubts were quickly erased though. Edward fairly hissed as he exhaled and then shifted positions with dizzying speed so that I was now astride him on the bed, straddling the incredibly hard length of him beneath his pants, and incredibly conscious of how completely naked I was beneath the infamous borrowed shirt—which reminded me that I had wanted to know what the big deal about Emmett's shirt was in the first place. I had thought that it was surely preferable to me being naked with Emmett. I ground myself against Edward, slipping my hands beneath his waistband, enjoying the v-like indention of the muscles there. "You know, I thought you didn't like me in this particular shirt, Edward, but you seem to be enjoying the access it provides," I taunted as I rode him, fumbling with the button to his pants.

Edward's eyes grew impossibly darker, and I felt the growl roll through his chest and lower, and then through me. _Whoa, maybe taunting wasn't such a good move_. "It's not the shirt, Isabella, it's what Emmett was thinking…it was sickening and perverse-he has absolutely no mental filter," he growled softly again in punctuation of his apparent dislike regarding Emmett's thoughts.

"I would think you of all people would know that what wanders through someone's thoughts is an entirely different thing than how someone actually feels." I said, feeling inexplicably like I needed to defend Emmett, which was silly because Emmett could definitely defend himself, but Emmett had always been accepting and kind to me, which made me feel protective of him in turn. Besides, I knew there was a world of difference between the things that I thought randomly and what I actually felt or wanted; I was just lucky that Edward couldn't hear my own mental rambling too.

"So, you're essentially jealous over the completely harmless thoughts of your brother? And is the whole calling me Isabella thing part and parcel of the jealousy package?" I was smirking as I said this, and continued to unfasten Edward's pants as I spoke.

Once the pants were completely unfastened, I slid my hands up and under Edward's shirt, and across the smooth hard expanse of his abdomen and then his chest. Edward's eyes were fastened to my face, and they were practically the color of charcoal now. He hadn't answered me yet, so I gave his nipple a playful squeeze. He his chest rumbled in what sounded like appreciation, so I bent my head to his abdomen and began to place small kisses there as I pushed the shirt up higher and then completely over his head with his assistance. In between kisses I continued to goad him, "You haven't answered me yet Edward." I placed another kiss just below his pectoral. "Don't make me use my interrogation techniques," I teased.

Edward's voice was low and throaty, "And what might your interrogation techniques entail, _Isabella_?" he parried.

I leaned my face completely flush with his chest, and then bit his nipple. He gave a sort of strangled groan, and I followed my teeth with my tongue. I paused to answer him, "If you don't talk, I'm going to have to get more aggressive with you." I raised my head to gauge his reaction, trying to smother a smile.

His eyes were so dark that his pupils were now indistinguishable. "Aggressive? Hmmm," I felt his words vibrate against my hands on him. And then even more quickly than he had moved before, he flipped me again and had me pinned to his chest with one leg over his shoulder before I could really blink. He slid the shirt up to my ribcage and began placing the lightest of kisses from my ribcage to my hipbone. He paused at the juncture of my hip and thigh when he held my leg to him, and whispered against the skin there, "Perhaps you'd like me to show you what aggression can be like." His words and his cool breath seemed to blaze again my skin. He began to trail kisses up my inner thigh, hesitating only inches away from where I was now dying to have his mouth on me. He breathed against the skin there and extended his tongue, only to lick the overheated skin and then move away. I moaned in disappointment and I felt his lips rise in a smirk against me as they continued their ascent.

He straddled me suddenly and raised my arms above my head, pinning them there in my hair with one hand, and then using his free hand to grasp the shirt I was wearing. He gripped the shirt tightly and began to tear effortlessly, his eyes flickering from mine, to the skin he was exposing.

"Uh-oh, Emmett is going to be pissed that you ruined his shirt," I whispered. I had meant for my voice to sound taunting, but Edward's hand on my breast made me lose my focus and I ended up sounding breathy instead. Edward replaced his hand with his mouth, and as his tongue began to caress my nipple I lost all control and moaned loudly, arching against him and wishing I had removed his pants more completely earlier. _God, if only they were a little lower on his hips…_

"I really don't give a damn what Emmett thinks about his shirt, _Isabella,_" Edward answered. "It serves him right for the perverse things he was thinking—and I don't care if he meant to think them or not, love," he spoke louder as if he knew I had been about to somehow contradict him. "I want this," he punctuated what _this _was by inserting a cool finger into me, "to be mine solely, in deed and thought." He began to manipulate me from within and then shifted his thumb to stimulate the most sensitive part of me. I cried out and came almost immediately, my wrists straining against his hand. "I want to be the only one to touch you like this," he paused to kiss me deeply before continuing. "And I like _Isabella_," his voice dropped to a whisper, "It feels more…intimate," his tongue slid against my lower lip. "And perhaps it has something to do with wanting to possess you." He kissed me deeply again, and any urge I had to argue that I didn't want to be a _possession_ was lost, mainly because it would have been a lie. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to belong completely to Edward, and to claim ownership of him in much the same fashion.

I felt like I was on fire and the caresses of Edward's hand were no longer enough satisfaction for me. I tugged against his hold on my wrists and arched against him. "Edward, please," I whispered, no longer caring about being the aggressor. I licked my lips and then ran my tongue along his jaw, "Please, fuck me." His eyes closed and his jaw clenched as he drew in a sharp breath.

His voice was guttural when he answered, "With pleasure, Isabella." Without bothering to remove his pants completely, he slid them low enough to free himself and then plunged into me in one hard thrust. "Say it again," he whispered, and I didn't have to ask him what he meant.

"Fuck me, Edward, please," I sighed, and he fairly growled again in approval. His thrusts grew harder, the whole act more intense than anything we had experienced together yet. I strained against his hold on me, trying to get closer to him, and when he let my wrists go at last I buried my hands in his hair, pulling him to my mouth. Our kisses matched his thrusts, and I took it all eagerly, still unable to get close enough to him even though his skin was glued to mine and we were gliding skin to skin in the sweat that now covered me.

Edward's breathing was as erratic as my own, and when his lips met the skin of my neck, I climaxed without warning. Edward pulled away from my neck abruptly, and his expression was wild-his eyes black. He placed a hand on either side of my face and thrust into me one final time, shuddering. I felt him erupting within me, and just as another orgasm seemed about to overtake me, Edward lunged forward, teeth bared. For a never ending second, I thought he was going to bite me…and god help me, I wanted him to. In that moment, it didn't matter if it would complicate the hell out of my life, or if it was what was best for my children—I wanted him to make me his completely. And that told me everything I needed to know about where my heart stood concerning our future. There would be no more struggles with my heart and head…I knew I wanted Edward, forever, and I would have to hope that the rest would work itself out. In slow motion, Edward's teeth skimmed the air beside my neck, and then he bit squarely into his own forearm beside my head. I knew he would apologize for what he saw as a breech in his control, but to my mind it was perhaps the sexiest thing I had ever seen, and I came again just watching him.

We didn't speak for several long moments, and I shushed Edward's attempts at apologies with my lips. Edward rolled to his back and then pulled me close to his chest, stroking my hair softly. His voice was almost hoarse when he spoke. "There will never be anyone else for me, love. You have enraptured me completely. I will love you every second of the rest of my existence, and when it's time, I will follow you…into the dark." My heart which had been soaring at his words, sank as he finished and I absorbed the intentions behind the words.

Edward did not intend to keep me…did not love me enough for _forever_ with him. He would allow time and age to drive us apart until there was nothing left for us, and all the pretty words in the world could not convince me otherwise. I knew he probably thought his intentions were noble, but I wanted more…my soul be damned, I wanted more regardless; and I did not believe that my soul would honestly be damned. Edward's soul was far too lovely for me to believe otherwise. I felt sick inside. I tried to argue with myself, with my breaking heart…after all, up until a few minutes ago I had been unsure about our future, but it hadn't overshadowed my desire to be with Edward now…but reality seemed to be crashing down into the middle of what had been my fairy tale.

I camouflaged my thoughts as best as possible and rose, insisting as light heartedly as I could that I needed a shower, and a little space. Edward looked puzzled, but he agreed to fetch my bag for me from my suite while I showered. I let the hot water rush over me and I fought off the urge to cry. I jumped when I heard Alice's voice in the bathroom, next to the shower. Of course, Edward would send someone to watch over me while he was gone, no matter how briefly.

"Don't do it, Bella. It won't make you happy, and it will break him completely. I don't know what he's told you about the Volturi, but you leaving him won't solve anything, so just unmake that mind of yours."

Of course, Alice would see what I had been resolving to do. I only half registered what she was saying—I was so lost in my own thoughts. A ray of hope came to mind, and I shut off the water immediately, and wrapping a towel around myself, stepped out of the shower hurriedly.

"Alice? I know how your visions work…I know the future can be subjective, can have several possibilities...but tell me truthfully...do you ever still see me with Edward…forever?...as part of your family?"

Alice smiled at me and reached to brush my hair from my eyes. "Bella," she sighed, "who said I ever stopped?" **************************************************

_K, so review please, & I'll 'see' you again soon -E_


	17. Angular Momentum

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

_I know it's been a while in between updates here, so you may have to revamp to refresh your memory..._

Alice wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug, and the dam within me broke. I sobbed…messy, unattractive, and loud. Part of the tears were just plain relief; I was relieved to know that no matter how far off track Edward and I had gotten, Alice had still seen us together, and that alone was comforting. The remainder of what was pouring out of me was mostly just the result of what it had felt like to think that Edward and I would have to part…again. Alice rocked and patted my back—it probably looked silly as hell considering the difference in our sizes, but it was soothing regardless.

Alice stiffened slightly, which alerted me to Edward's return long before his polite knock on the frame of the open bathroom door. She sighed and released me slowly.

"How was I to know that you were expecting some kind of code of silence?" Alice asked, out of nowhere. _Umm...What_? I stood frozen, confused until I realized that Alice was speaking to Edward, not to me.

Edward was shooting virtual daggers at Alice with his eyes. "I had every intention of discussing everything with Bella," he hissed, "at the appropriate time and place."

Alice returned Edward's glare, "Who made you the person that gets to decide what the appropriate time and place for everything is? Because based on your track record with Bella, I think your sense of timing may be a bit off...T'est un trou cul. Tu veux contrôler tout."

Edward narrowed his eyes and fairly spat, "Fou toi, J'avais l'intention de la dire. Mais ce n'étais pas le propre temps..."

Alice interupted him, "Exactement, tu pense que vous êtes Dieu, en essayant de prendre des décisions basées sur que vous pensez est juste pour tous les autres sans discuter le résultat avec les gens que la décision affectera."

I stood there listening to the two of them, feeling very much caught in the middle, and not understanding much of anything that was being said. It sounded like they were speaking French, well, arguing in French actually, and I was wishing that I understood what the heck was going on because I was pretty positive it concerned me. I also wanted to make a beeline for the bedroom at some point and grab some clothes; my towel wasn't providing much coverage and it was starting to get chilly.

The longer I stood there, the sillier the whole situation seemed. I hated it when someone talked about me as if I weren't standing right there, even if it was in French. I began to feel the urge to giggle, and judging by the look on Edward's face I didn't think he was going to see any humor in whatever was going on between the two of them. I picked out at least two words in the argument they were having that I understood though: Bella, and Volturi, and that pretty much wiped the shit eating grin off my face. That was the second time I had heard that word today, but not the first time that I had ever heard it mentioned. Edward had only discussed the Volturi once with me, but I remembered it well.

I thought back...we had been watching Romeo and Juliet...Edward had been whispering the dialogue in my ear..._Wait, that had been hot_…I wondered if I could get a copy of Romeo and Juliet here in the hotel..._Arg! Focus Bella_! Edward had been referring to his 'contingency plans', on the chance that something happened to me, and he had said that he'd intended to provoke the Volturi. He had likened them to royalty, as well as the law keepers of the vampire underworld.

Edward had said you didn't provoke them if you wanted to continue your existence...so what the heck did the Volturi have to do with me? I certainly hadn't done any Volturi provoking...hmmm, _Voltoking?_ It sounded like something you'd smoke...I giggled and then snorted out loud.

Edward and Alice paused in their argument and looked at me questioningly. I continued to giggle. The more I said the word in my head the funnier it became until I was in full out stomach clenching laughter. Finally I managed to get out, "Voltoking! But, I never even inhaled!" which sent me into a fresh spasm.

Edward watched me, looking bemused. Alice looked a little horrified, as if I'd lost my mind completely. She leaned into Edward and stage whispered, "I think she may be having hysterics. Maybe you should slap her." Edward only glared at her in reply. My giggles were winding down at last anyway, partly due to Alice's remark…when she said slap, I thought spank, and well, that led me down a whole other mental path, complete with Edward and handcuffs…_Focus, Bella!_

I took a deep breath to calm myself and then thought about what topic I wanted to attack first. "Okay, both of you, I'd appreciate it you would speak directly _**to**_ me, instead of _**about **_me when I'm standing here—I seem to recall Esme being a woman who possessed excellent manners, and I'm sure she taught you somewhere along the way that discussing someone as if they weren't there is rude." Edward opened his mouth as if to interrupt me, but I held up my hand and continued. "Also," I turned to face Edward completely, "I believe that we need to have a talk as well."

"Well, if you're planning on telling him what a controlling ass he's being, I'd be happy to join in on the conversation," Alice offered with an acidic smile.

"Actually, if you'd like to discuss what exactly you've seen regarding the Volturi and me, you're more than welcome to join in," I replied. Alice hesitated, seeming to try to gauge Edward's response.

"Well, I haven't really _**seen **_anything _**specific **_regarding you and the Volturi," Alice hedged. Edward's glare deepened and I thought that he might have growled softly, but I couldn't be sure. I waited a few beats, but Alice didn't continue, so I dove in.

"Well, what exactly did you see, Alice?" I saw Edward shake his head almost imperceptibly at Alice. I sighed loudly and shook my head. "Look, I appreciate the fact that Edward is likely just trying to protect me…from whatever…but I'm asking you as _my_ friend, to please tell me what's going on."

Alice opened her mouth as if to speak, but then hesitated as Edward took a step towards her, his expression brooding.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, just tell Bella what you saw," a deep voice said from behind me. I jumped, clutching my towel tightly as I turned to see Emmett in the doorway, with Jasper a few feet behind him.

I blushed, looking at Emmett and wishing for the second time today that I was wearing more clothing. He winked at me and grinned unabashedly.

"What are you two doing here?" Edward asked, sounding extremely irritated.

Emmett stretched in the doorway, appearing unfazed by Edward. I watched the muscles beneath his shirt roll…_Rosalie is one lucky vampire_, I thought to myself. I wasn't ogling intentionally, but when someone practically flexes in front of you, you can't help but to look, right?

"Jazz was sensing some heavy, uh, tension coming from in here, so we thought we'd just pop in and checkup on everybody," Emmett smirked.

Jasper moved to Alice's side quicker than my vision could track him. He wrapped an arm around Alice's shoulders protectively and asked her softly, "Are you alright? It felt like you were close to coming to blows…" he eyed Edward speculatively.

Edward sighed loudly, "Please, Jazz, as if I'd ever lay a hand on Alice. And you call _**me **_overprotective? Ha!" Edward rolled his eyes.

"Well, maybe I was thinking about laying a hand on you, jackass," Alice answered.

Jasper sighed, "Look, you two, I know this is a sore subject, but you need to work this out one way or the other. Edward, I know exactly how protective you feel about Bella—trust me, it's coming off of you in waves. But you need to discuss your reasons with Bella, and let her have _**all**_ of the information so that she can make her decisions based on all the facts. Stop treating everyone like you know what's best just because you can read our minds," he paused and nodded at me, "well, almost all of our minds." He turned to face Alice fully, "And you, stop feeling guilty for what you can't help seeing," Alice opened her mouth as if to argue with Jasper, but he placed a finger lightly on her lips. "Uh-uh, don't try to argue your motivations with me, I can _**feel**_ you baby. Tell Bella what you've seen, and stop trying to negotiate the future before we even have a solid grasp on what the possibilities are."

_Okay, good_, I thought. _We seem to making some sort of headway here. Even though I haven't a clue what everyone's talking about…and I'm considering making a life altering decision…wearing only a towel. Great_.

I cleared my throat and the sound seemed to echo loudly in the confined space. Four pairs of eyes swung to me expectantly. "Listen," I fairly stuttered, feeling as if there was way too much focus on me suddenly. "I'd really like to discuss whatever all of this," I waved my hand around at the four of them, "Is about, but I'd like to do that with some clothes on, so if you'll excuse me, maybe you could all head out to the other room while I get dressed."

"No probs, Bella. You can always put my shirt back on if you'd like." Emmett smirked at Edward and winked at me. Edward growled in response.

"Geez, Edward," Jasper said, sounding exasperated, "Can't you _**read **_intent too, or is it just like words on a screen for you? Lighten up already. And you," he switched his gaze to Emmett. "Stop messing with the guy already, you know he's almost completely lacking any sense of humor." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "And you know if I tell Rose what you said, she's going to kick your ass; she's as touchy as he is."

Alice giggled, "Total drama queens, the two of them."

"Oh, you are so dead when I tell Rosie you said that," Emmett chuckled.

"Don't even get me started on what I could tell her about some of the things that have come out of your mouth," Alice laughed. She paused, staring off into space for a few moments, and then faced me fully. "Yes, do get dressed please. Rose will be joining us shortly, and Carlisle and Esme should be here soon too."

"Really?" I asked, surprised. I hadn't seen Carlisle or Esme in what felt like forever, but it was good that they would be here for what I had in mind to discuss.

"Yes," Alice answered. "Move it boys, let's let the lady get dressed," she said, fairly shoving everyone from the room, including a reluctant looking Edward. I followed her out into the bedroom where she stopped at the door after ushering everyone else out. "Oh, and check your phone Bella, before you bring the wolves down on us," she with a roll of her eyes.

I found my phone as the door clicked softly shut. _Shit_. Eight missed calls, and two messages—all from Jake asking me to call him back. I dialed his cell but it went straight to voicemail where I left a brief message saying that I was returning his call.

I laid my clothes out on the bed and dropped my towel, wondering what I could do about my hair. I wanted to look presentable at least. After all, the last time that I was in a room with the entire, ah, family, I had gotten a paper cut, watched the love of my life fight off his brother because he wanted to drain my blood, and then discussed ensoulment with Carlisle while he stitched me up and Esme bleached the floor. And then everyone had abandoned me for a decade or so. _Nice. Now I'm __**really**__ excited to see everyone again. _

_*****Many thanks to the wonderful canadian stalker extrordinairre (you know who you are ;) who provided the conversation 'en francais' & many thanks to the patient asshead who proofs these for me XO ** review please! Also, more than one was update posted at a time here for the sake of trying to move this story along..._


	18. Arcus

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

I sat on the edge of the bed nervously swinging my legs, trying to decide between the two shirts in front of me. Choice A consisted of a black scoop neck which I thought to be a little too revealing in the cleavage department for a meeting with Edward's family, and the second option was a cream button up with French cuffs. Tasteful, conservative...perfect-except for the fact that I had no white or beige bra with me anymore. The one that would have worked had been torn apart by Edward the first time we'd…_had sex? Made love? Fucked?_ I mentally settled on the phrase _been together_. Going braless after two children was not an option I relished, and wearing the pink or black bras I had with me seemed tacky. I knew they would fairly glow beneath the cream colored blouse.

I had listened as the main door to the suite had opened and closed multiple times, and I was fairly certain that everyone had arrived. I was also fairly certain that I was stalling, trying to put off making my entrance and the conversation that I knew I needed to have.

Two swift, soft taps at the door the bedroom drew my gaze upward, and I covered myself out of sheer habit as the door opened before I had invited anyone in. Alice shot into the room gracefully, closing the door behind her and crossing to the bed before I could blink. "Bella, seriously?" she whispered softly. "Get it together and make a decision already. Black top, yes Edward and Emmett will be checking out the girls, but I promise Carlisle and Jazz will be gentlemen. Cream top, yes, the lack of matching undergarments is a huge faux pas and Rose and I will both be irritated every time we look, sorry," she added. "Now stop stalling," she finished, waiting expectantly.

"Okay, scoop neck it is," I said, and pulled the shirt to me and then over my head. Alice fluffed my hair around my shoulders and nodded smiling.

"You look lovely, Bella," she said, "and you have nothing to be nervous about. This is the happiest that we've seen Edward since…" she paused, and then continued waving a hand as if pushing something aside, "well, in far too long, and we all know that you are the reason for his happiness." I couldn't keep the grin from my face at that. "We're all just as anxious as you are to try to make this work out." She hugged me briefly, and then dragged me to the door, practically bouncing into the sitting area of the suite where Edward and the rest of his family were gathered.

I took in the faces of everyone in the room, from the smiling faces of Carlisle and Esme, to the almost devoid of expression face of Rosalie. I opened my mouth to begin the speech that I had been rehearsing in my mind, but before I could utter one word, Esme had vanished from Carlisle's side and was pulling me into an embrace.

"Oh Bella," she said, "I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it is to see you again," she stepped back in order to look me in the eyes, "and how happy it makes me to see our Edward whole again." I took in what she had said, as well as the sincerity of her expression and the tear-like sheen to her eyes, and I felt some of my nervousness thaw in the warmth of her words. Maybe what I wanted to discuss would be easier than I had thought...

"Thank you, Esme," I answered. My voice wavered, full of emotion suddenly, "I'm glad to be a part of Edward's life again too. He isn't the only one who hasn't felt entirely complete...," I trailed off.

Edward stepped up behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders gently. He leaned his face into my hair and whispered near my ear. "Bella, you don't understand. You at least made an attempt to start over, to have a life after I had left. I couldn't. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you. I don't ever want to be apart from you again. If you'll have me, I'd like to share the rest of your life together."

I blinked repeatedly, my eyes moist from the sincerity of his words, but also keenly aware of the phrasing he had chosen. Edward was asking to share _my _life, not to join in his, and although it was touching, it wasn't what I wanted. If we were going to be together permanently, I had to become what he was at some point. I did not believe that time and my inevitable aging would not take a toll on our relationship, and I didn't think I could survive planning a life with him and then losing him all over again. My thoughts were interrupted by Rosalie.

"I don't think that the two of you are thinking things through here." All eyes shifted to Rosalie as she spoke, and I noted Emmett's hand gently clasping her forearm as she paused. She shrugged loose of him gracefully and continued. "This isn't going to work," she said dismissively. "Are you going to avoid the rest of us for the remainder of Bella's life? We can't all appear back in Forks pretending to be long lost look-alike siblings of the Cullens that lived there more than a decade ago. And how are you going to explain your lack of aging over time _Masen _Cullen? Or is Bella planning on abandoning her children and _pack,_" she said with undisguised contempt, "and running off with the vampires?" She rolled her eyes for effect, "Please, Edward, you can't keep her and you can't turn her. It violates the treaty."

Emmett placed his hand more firmly on Rosalie's arm, ignoring the look she gave him and pulling her to his side. "Babe, please," he murmured.

"Don't 'babe' me," she answered acidly, but she didn't pull away from him. "And don't give me the chocolate doe eyes Bella, I'm sorry, but I'm just saying what everyone else is already thinking."

Before I could open my mouth to say that she sure as hell didn't sound too sorry to me, Carlisle spoke up. "Rosalie, I do not believe that you speak for all of us, nor do I believe that you are cognizant of our thoughts..." That was as far as Carlisle got before Edward interrupted.

"Well, I _can_ tell what most of you are thinking, so let me reassure you Rosalie that you do not speak for much of what anyone here is thinking but yourself. Don't let your own sense of self worth cloud your perceptions of my relationship with Bella."

Rosalie practically snorted, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Edward crossed the room to stand within an inch of Rosalie. I was suddenly conscious of how very tall Edward was, and the look on his face as he stared down at her was less than friendly. Emmett stepped closer behind Rosalie, but Edward ignored him. "It means, Rosalie, that I know what is really bothering you. You feel threatened by Bella; you always have. It was one thing for me to not be interested in you; you felt no particular attraction towards me and I never showed much interest in anyone. But to watch me fall for someone human, and then to wait for her for years, well that must be quite the ego blow to our little golden goddess. After all, you think Royce threw you aside as if you weren't worth waiting for, so what could possibly be so special about some human, right?"

There was a collective gasp in the room and Rosalie seemed to grow impossibly paler. "That's enough," Emmett and Carlisle seemed to say simultaneously. I had no idea who Royce was, but the mention of him had brought a definite reaction from everyone.

Rosalie stood staring at Edward, her expression a mixture of sorrow and rage. Edward continued as if no-one had spoken. "I have had your derision in my head for years Rosalie. You are jealous of a love you don't understand. You're jealous of Bella's life as well. You envy her humanity, even while you sneer at it, and the children she's been blessed to have. You think she's casting aside what you would trade eternity for." Edward's face was devoid of expression, but his voice held sorrow now.

Carlisle spoke quietly but his voice carried. "Edward, I would never have expected such callousness from you."

Edward lifted his chin almost defiantly, meeting Carlisle's gaze squarely. The two stood silent, gazes locked for more than a few minutes. I shifted nervously in the uncomfortable quiet, watching what appeared to be a silent conversation passing between the two men. Edward nodded and shook his head slightly on more than one occasion, but no words were spoken. At last, Edward dropped his gaze first and sighed softly. "You are right, Carlisle...as usual." He turned to face Rosalie where Emmett had drawn her into a hug, "Rosalie, please accept my apologies. No matter how...provoked...I felt, I had no right to discuss your private thoughts in front of everyone, especially not in a derogative manner. I do think of you as my sister, truly, and I apologize for trying to hurt you intentionally. I only ask this; that as you are my sister, Bella is my...future, which makes her your family as well."

Rosalie had turned in Emmett's arms to face Edward as he spoke. "I apologize too, Edward. Emmett has just reminded me to remember how I would feel if someone had said the sort of things about him that I said about Bella. I was insensitive and tactless, and I apologize to Bella for that too. I have to ask though, where...well, what direction the two of you see your relationship heading? I mean, you're asking us to help you protect Bella against what you think may or may not be the Volturi," Emmett nudged her subtly and shot her a look, "I mean, it's not that I have any particular aversion to accepting Bella as part of our family but...well, you sound as if this is permanent, so is it your intention to make her one of us?"

Edward was shaking his head vehemently before Rosalie had even finished speaking. "No, no. I cannot be without her, but I will not destroy her soul. It is not-," he began but I interrupted him before he could finish.

"You know, since we are discussing my life and my future too, I think it's only fitting that I have some input in the decision making process too." Everyone turned to stare at me and I felt myself flush slightly with their focus. I cleared my throat nervously and continued. "I think that first of all, I ought to be told what the deal is with the Volturi that you're all being so hush-hush about-and I'm not asking anyone to risk anything for me Rosalie, but I would like all of you to know that if Edward and I are to have any sort of future that I think the only reasonable decision is to make me one of you, at some point in the future." Edward opened his mouth to interrupt me and I held my hand up, continuing, "I know how you feel about this issue already Edward, but you've also said that you don't want to be apart from me again and...well, I don't want to part from you again either, and whether you want to acknowledge it or not this is where a future together will lead us eventually."

Jasper surprised me by saying, "I agree with Bella." Rosalie looked almost as shocked as I felt to hear him say it. I hadn't been sure where Jasper would stand on this issue.

Edward shot him a look full of fire but Jasper continued, "Yes, I can tell how that makes you feel Edward, but it's the logical conclusion to this. And I for one look forward to the day when I can be around Bella and not want to..." he trailed off, leaving the rest of us to fill in the blanks.

I watched Edward's jaw clenching so tightly that I thought he might explode so I interjected, "I don't intend for this to happen today or tomorrow Edward, obviously I'd like to wait until my boys are older...but eventually, I'm going to start looking old enough that people will start to really question what the two of us are doing together, like when I look like your mother, or your grandmother."

Edward's expression was shocked. "Bella, why would you think that would matter to me? You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. I don't care what anyone else thinks. Of course, if you outgrew me-if you wanted someone or something else-I would try to understand that, Bella. I promise to never stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

I sighed, searching for the words that would express what I wanted to say. "Edward, I'm not a girl anymore; I'm an adult. And love can be hard enough without adding complications to it that are avoidable. This isn't just about what you are comfortable with; it's about what I want too. I want to spend the rest of our lives together. Mine _and_ yours—I can't bear the thought of you spending the rest of your life with me while I grow more and more uncomfortable about the physical disparities between us…I don't want us to end with you keeping some deathwatch over my bedside while clutching my wrinkled hand, looking like my great grandson, and then watching me die while you figure out the best way to off yourself after I'm gone. I know what I'm choosing if I become one of you; it's my choice. It's what I want. Now, if the real issue is just that you don't want to be stuck with me for eternity…"

Edward's face held surprise as he spoke quickly, "Bella, nothing could be further from the truth. I am going to love you for forever—every single day of forever."

"Then why won't you let me spend forever with you?" I quipped.

"It's not that simple Bella. I cannot take your humanity. I will not see you become as soulless as me."

I knew Edward was speaking in earnest, but I couldn't stop the exasperated sight that came from me. "Edward. Really? I have seen your soul, or at least the essence of it, and I assure you your soul is just as beautiful as your exterior." _Hmmm, do you call men beautiful to their face? _I let that go and changed tactics. "Now, if you just can't make that big of a commitment to me…" I let the rest of the statement hang in the air, pleased with what I thought would be the inevitable conclusion this would lead Edward to…and then all my smug conclusions began to evaporate, because Edward was suddenly kneeling in front of me, with his entire family looking on.


	19. Bear's Cage

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

"Isabella Marie, I want to spend every moment of the rest of your life loving you. Will you please do me the honor of becoming my wife?"

I froze completely. Edward's expression was completely sincere, love practically shining from his eyes. And I was beet red and already beginning to perspire in embarrassment. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend the rest of well, eternity, with Edward; it was just so sudden. And so not in private. Add on not even remotely as romantic as I had ever envisioned this moment...Alice saved me from answering, at least temporarily.

"Edward? I'm sure that Bella is flattered by the intention behind your proposal, and you've certainly proven that your problem with changing Bella is not due to an inability to commit. But do you really think this is the appropriate time and place for this?"

I tried to tug Edward to his feet by his hand, but he wasn't budging. He shot Alice a look that I couldn't decipher, and then faced me again. "Bella, you're telling me that you want to spend eternity with me. Surely marriage isn't that much to ask when compared to eternity. Say you'll marry me, and I'll discuss turning you." The last part was said with something akin to smugness...as if Edward knew that this was making me uncomfortable, and was going to use it for all it was worth.

I tried to make light of the situation. "Edward, don't you think we should wait to discuss this until after I'm divorced?"

"You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you're making a joke."

_Well, shit_. Time to take a different tactic. "Edward, you're asking me to marry you in a decidedly less than romantic fashion. I'm going to withhold an answer until you can show me that you've put the kind of thought into your proposal that a girl deserves after waiting for more than a decade." _Ha, so there_!

Edward's eyes glinted mischievously and he rose to his full height beside me. "Touché, Bella. I look forward to demonstrating much more effectively wherein my heart lies." My heart skipped a nervous beat at that; I was now pretty sure that I'd just given Edward carte blanche to do much more than I was prepared for. "And I'm sure we can agree that any further discussion regarding your mortality can be tabled until then." _Well, double shit_...but I wasn't ready to give in quite so easily.

"Edward, this isn't just about me or you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know." _Well, maybe mine...just a little_. I rolled my eyes at myself internally. "If you're going to risk bringing whatever is going on with the Volturi down on your family over me, then your family ought to have a say in whether or not I remain human."

"I fail to see how one issue correlates to the other," he answered.

"Then how about you explain what you think the Volturi are planning to do?" I replied.

I waited...and waited. The silence grew painfully uncomfortable, and whenever it looked like someone was about to break it, Edward would glare until that someone looked away. At long last, Emmett spoke.

"Aw, screw it," Emmett began, and when Edward tried to interrupt he held his hand up, palm outward to him. "Bella, Edward thinks the Volturi are coming to take you out. Alice had a vision with you in pain, as if you were burning alive, and Edward thinks that since that's what the Volturi basically threatened the last time he met with them, that they're what's responsible for the vision."

I tried to digest what Emmett had said, as well as the questions that it brought up. "Oo-kaay..." I turned to Edward, "and you were going to tell me this when?" I asked. Before he could answer I thought of a new question, "Wait, when did you meet with the Volturi in the first place? I know what you said about them before...that if you ever wanted to...that they would kill you if you provoked them. Did you do something to provoke them?"

"No...and yes," Edward answered hesitantly.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

Edward glanced at Alice, as if trying to impart something without speaking. "Oh no," she answered, "Don't drag me into this one."

Edward sighed and then began to speak. "When Victoria came to Forks that last time, and we interceded, it turned out that we weren't the only ones that had been prepared to become involved. The murders in Seattle had drawn the attention of the Volturi as well, and they arrived after we had already intervened. We were summoned to discuss the situation further with Aro, Marcus, and Caius, the leaders of the Volturi."

"We? You mean all of you went to speak with the Volturi? Why?"

"No, we didn't all go to Italy. Carlisle felt that only his presence was required, as the head of our family; and he hoped that his history with the Volturi would help the situation. Jasper, Emmett and I went along as emissaries in the hopes that Jasper would provide a soothing influence on the situation, and I could get a read on everyone."

"I was the muscle," Emmett said, sounding rather pleased with himself.

"We knew taking me was both a risk and an asset, but Carlisle thought that it was for the best." Edward continued.

"Wait, why would you be a risk?" I asked.

"Aro can read every thought a person has ever had with a touch. Carlisle thought that this was especially risky because for Aro to touch me, would be for Aro to not only read my thoughts, but every thought that I have ever overheard as well. Despite our best efforts we were put in a situation where it was unavoidable."

Carlisle spoke next. "I'm afraid that Aro was particularly intrigued by your relationship with Edward, Bella, as well as your immunity from his gift. "

Emmett blew a raspberry loudly, "Oh yeah, all that la-tooty-canty business. He wasn't too thrilled about our boy revealing our nature to a human either. You got a pass on that because you were married into another 'supernatural community' at the time," Emmett punctuated the last bit with air quotes.

Edward glared at Emmett hotly, "La tua cantante, Emmett, and you know why he called her that; and it is not as if you have not had a similar experience."

I was shocked. I didn't think Emmett had ever been with anyone but Rosalie before. Emmett read the curiosity in my expression and looked embarrassed. "Bella, it wasn't really the same thing. I felt a pull to someone's blood kinda' like what Edward feels for you, but it wasn't as strong...and I wasn't in love," he finished, looking down.

"What happened?" I asked. Edward shook his head at me and Emmett refused to make eye contact. "Oh," I said, the proverbial light bulb going on.

"Bella," Carlisle said. "Edward was able to glean that Aro's intentions were less than noble towards our family. Aro never made his intentions known openly, but Edward felt that Aro would like to either add our power to his collection or see us extinct. Edward worries that if the Volturi discover that you are no longer a part of the pack by marriage, and that you and Edward are indeed together again, that they will use this to force our hand."

"And why would you form that conclusion based on Alice's vision?" I asked.

"Because zapping you into ash is a sort of specialty of theirs," Emmett supplied.

I took in Edward's sharply drawn breath, and the looks passed between him and Carlisle, and then Emmett. "Well, if you change me, then doesn't that solve the problem?"

"Possibly," Carlisle answered. Edward shot him a glare and opened his mouth to speak, but Carlisle interrupted, shaking his head. "No, son, you've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." He turned to me, "Bella, if it comes to a choice between allowing the Volturi to take you or making you one of us, I am prepared to do so myself, no matter what my son feels. I already think of you as one of my family."

"Thank you, Carlisle. For wanting to keep me. I feel the same way about all of you. How soon do you think any of this might be necessary?" I asked.

"So eager for eternal damnation," Edward answered.

"Oh, Edward," I paused, searching for a phrase that wasn't obscene. "Stowe the melodrama please." Edward blinked at me, his expression revealing nothing.

My phone went off, startling me briefly. It was another text from Jacob: _Where are you? Heading to pick up the boys, trip called early because of rain. Please call me. _I sighed, looking up and meeting Edward's curious expression. "I'm sorry. Would you mind terribly taking me home early? Jacob says the camping trip has been shortened. I need to get home to the boys."

Something I couldn't identify flashed across Edward's face, and then he turned away, hiding whatever else was there before I could try to read it. "Of course, Bella. I'll take you home immediately."

Alice made a small huffing noise, but Edward shook his head at her infinitesimally. "Are you sure it wouldn't be better if I took Bella home?" she asked.

"No," Edward and I both answered at the same time. Maybe he was as reluctant as I was to say goodbye early. I did want to see my little guys though-it was, well, lonely being away from them for this long, Edward or no Edward. "Just let me get my things together, and we can go," I said. I looked around the room, taking in the faces of everyone in it. "Thank you, by the way, all of you. I'm happy to have been... back into your lives. I've missed you..." My throat tightened on the last part, and I couldn't seem to find the right words for what I wanted to say. Jasper smiled and spoke instead.

"We've missed you as well Bella. I promise not to let you slip out of our lives again." Edward nodded at him, and again, I felt excluded from some sort of silent conversation; but I was warmed by Jasper's words and let it pass.

The ride back to Forks was largely silent, but there was never a time where some part of us didn't touch. I spent most of the trip with my head against Edward's shoulder. There was a lot that I wanted to say, but I didn't want our weekend to end with any obvious disagreement hanging between us, so I opted for silence, sad to be parting, but excited to see my children as well.

It was pouring by the time we pulled into my drive; the rain glinting in the headlights as it fell. Jacob's truck stood illuminated in the lights of Edward's car, and further beyond the truck, looking wet and furious stood Jacob. Fuck me. This was going to be uncomfortable to say the least.

_Ok, going to leave off here, working on the next update already though. My apologies for the long time between updates here...my father is terminally ill and the last few months have been rough; first I lacked the time to update, and later just the heart...again, I apologize... Reviews, please!_

_**Paraphrasing and several quotes were worked in the last three updates, all from the conclusion of New Moon..._


	20. Bust

_The characters contained herein are not my property…no copyright infringement is intended—this story is mine however; no reproduction is permitted without my express permission…_

Edward squeezed my hand in his gently. "Don't worry, Bella. I won't let him hurt you," he tried to reassure me.

"I'm actually more worried about him hurting you," I answered, shaking my head. Edward laughed out loud, a short quick burst.

"Not a chance, love; but I promise not to lay a finger on him unless you tell me it's alright."

I eyed him, trying to process everything that meant, and wishing I possessed more of his calm self-assurance. Outwardly, I put on my bravest face and whispered, "Thank you, really, but I can fight my own battles, and this is definitely my mess." I sighed once more, opened the car door, and stepped out into the now misting rain to face my soaking husband. Jake moved towards me, but I held up a hand. "Whoa. Let me just give you a heads up; I don't want to fight and you look angrier than you have any right to be." Edward moved out of the car and was standing behind me in a blur. He rested his hand at the small of my back reassuringly. Jacob's gaze took it all in, registering both my words and Edward's touch.

"I don't want to fight with you either Bella. The leech at your back is another story though," Jacob's voice was low, but his intent carried.

Edward's cool breath tickled across my hair as he spoke. "As thrilled as I would be to feed you your own paws, I'm trying to think of Bella's feelings, and her children; so let's not antagonize the situation, shall we?"

"**My** children. Created by **me** and **my** wife," Jacob enunciated each word almost painfully.

I interjected, "Your children, Jacob? Let's settle for ours, at least. I don't seem to recall you being in labor for twelve hours, so let's at least call them ours, ok?" I didn't really need a response so I didn't wait for one. "And I don't think you should be calling me your wife anymore either." Jacob flinched slightly, as if my words had stung.

"Bella..." he paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I just didn't expect to see you with _him_ so soon. I haven't even been gone a week and you're already running off with him, doing god only knows what-," I opened my mouth to speak but he continued, his voice rising slightly. "No, don't bother to deny it, I can smell him all over you," he finished, breathing in for effect and then spitting on the concrete vehemently.

Edward tensed behind me, and I put my hand over his behind me. "I wasn't going to deny anything, Jacob. I don't have anything to hide, and you don't have any right to question me. I seriously doubt that you and Leah are just reading the bible together at night in bed." Jacob at least had the decency to look a little shame faced at that.

Jacob closed his eyes for a few seconds and then began to speak softly. "Bella, I know how much you want him...I know he's never truly left your heart...I promise to try to keep my feelings out of this. All I'm asking is that you not endanger our children and your role in their lives by becoming too involved with the creature standing behind you."

I sighed aloud again. This was so not the right time for this discussion, but then there would probably never be a time that was good for this sort of discussion. "Jake... I know I've hurt you, but I need you to believe that I would never do anything that would hurt our children. And as far as my involvement with Edward goes, that's my concern not yours."

"It's my concern if it affects the boys, and I believe you being too closely involved with _him_ puts them directly in harm's way."

I started to speak, but Edward interrupted. "Jacob, if I may, allow me to reassure you that not only would I never harm your children, I will in fact promise to protect them as if they were my own, had I ever been as blessed as you have been."

Several emotions warred across Jacob's face for a span of at least thirty seconds, with anger being the most dominant. I knew this face unfortunately. This was the look Jake got when I had ticked him off to the point of changing, and his control was slipping. When he finally spoke, his voice was a low growl and he was trembling. "The entire point that I'm trying to make here, bloodsucker, is that I don't want you around my children-and they don't need your protection, they have me."

Edward was silent for a beat. "Of course. I meant no offense, Jacob." _Hmmm, well as least someone was controlling their temper. _His hands rose to my shoulders and squeezed lightly. "Bella, I'll contact you later. Jacob would like to speak to you privately and I believe that he's waiting for the two of you to go and pick up the children together."

"Wait, what?" I turned to Jacob in surprise. "The boys aren't home yet? I thought you said the trip had been cancelled early?"

Jacob rolled his eyes, "It was, Bella, the troop leader wanted to do a quick final ceremony here to hand out a few badges that they had planned for the end of the trip. I've just been waiting for you to get here to head over there."

"Oh, okay. Well..." I looked at Edward, unsure as to what would be an appropriate goodbye. he took the lead for me, leaning in for a quick peck on the cheek. His lips grazed my ear briefly and he whispered, "I'll be by later to say goodnight."

I couldn't help the grin that appeared, and I whispered back, "Really? If I leave my window open do I get a goodnight kiss too?" Edward chuckled low in response.

Jake spoke from beside the truck, "Yeah, I can totally hear you over here." he made a disgusted noise and slammed the truck door as he got in. I looked at Edward and grinned again, trying not to laugh. Served the bastard right for eavesdropping.

Edward squeezed my hand, "Be safe, love. I'll be looking out for you." I raised my brows at that, wondering what that entailed exactly, but decided to let it slide-Jacob and the boys were waiting. I let go of Edward somewhat reluctantly and then headed to the truck. He was in his car and starting the engine before I even made it to the truck door.

Jacob was silent as we left the drive and headed to town, and I was content to let the silence hang uncomfortably-anything was better than arguing. I should have known it was too good to last though. He cleared his throat and began to speak hurriedly as we made the turn to the troop leader's house. "Bella...I know I don't have the right to lecture you...just please, be careful. You have never understood how dangerous...look, I just don't want him around Charlie and William. If you're not willing to be cautious for your own sake, then at least be careful for theirs."

"How dare you! I would never put the boys in any situation that I thought was dangerous! And who the hell are you to question my judgment? You had them cliff diving by the time they were seven Jacob! Seven! And God only knows what you do in front of them when that-that Leah is around! And Edward would never-" Jacob interrupted my tirade by grabbing my shoulder and shaking me. My teeth rattled with the force of it.

"Stop it Bella! Stop! It's bad enough that you jump into bed with him before our marriage is even over, but don't try to pretend to me that he's not the blood sucking monster that you know he is!" Jacob was shouting, and I was suddenly very conscious that we were now in the drive to the troop master's home, and this was so not the time for this...but one thing he'd said stood out glaringly to me.

"Jacob," I began, trying to keep my voice calm, "Does all this just boil down to...are you just jealous? About Edward? I mean, you have Leah; why would you care about my seeing Edward- you were the one who ended things."

Jacob looked at me long and hard. "Bella, you never let me in. You never let yourself love me. I'm not a fool-he's always been there, in your heart. So, you're right, I guess I shouldn't care about you being with him when you've never really let go of him. But don't blame me for ending our marriage when you never really let yourself be a part of it." And with that, he slammed his truck's door and strode away. I sat there, feeling the truck shake with the force of his anger; and then I got out and followed him inside.

The boys were excited to see us. They each had a new merit badge to show off, and they had to discuss every thing they'd done in detail. It was comforting-it made me feel like I was a part of their trip even though I hadn't been there-and the chatter was a good distraction form the cold shoulder that Jacob was giving me. He was actually talking _around_ me now, as if I weren't there. We were almost to the turn-off from the highway to head home, and Jacob was still actively ignoring me. I was listening to William explain how he'd learned to start a fire with only flint and steel when I heard the first squeal of tires.

I looked up and found that I couldn't readily make sense of what was happening. I wasn't sure if the semi truck in our path was screeching towards us, or if we were the ones careening off track. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion and fast forward simultaneously. I had enough time to blink before the jarring impact of the truck slammed me forward and then backwards, and then we were airborne, the earth shifting around us too many times to count. The truck finally came to a standstill with a shudder. It hurt to breathe, and I couldn't turn my head easily to see if Charlie and William were okay. I struggled against my seatbelt futilely before I finally realized that part of the problem was that I was hanging upside down in the truck. I looked to my left to see Jacob hanging limp against his seatbelt...his face was unrecognizable and oh dear god there was blood-so much blood...the world swam in a wave of nausea and dizziness as the coppery smell registered. I called to the boys and heard an answering groan, thank god. My consciousness began to fade, and then the shriek of metal bending brought me awake again.

Edward was there, again, thank you god...I opened my mouth to speak, and instead of words I felt a rush of warm fluid. The sickening salty taste let me know that it was possibly blood bubbling in my throat. I wanted to ask how Edward had gotten here...how had he known...and then the world went fuzzy again as I choked on a mixture of blood and bile...Things seemed to be happening in freeze frames in my head. Edward was cursing softly, bending more metal and pieces of dashboard around me. It occurred to me that this was an echo of long ago...that first time he'd saved me. His arms supported me, and I looked at him full in the face, juxtaposed, and I registered that he was trying to pull me free. I tried to speak, to tell him no, that he needed to get the boys free first, but the words wouldn't form. I resorted to thrashing against him, trying to strike him, to tell him no. "Bella, stop," he growled at me. "Hold still, you're going to hurt yourself even worse!" I grasped as much of his hair as I could in my hand and pulled his face to mine. He stared at me, and I mouthed the words through what I knew was my own blood, "No, get the boys first!"

Edward nodded, seeming to grasp my meaning. His eyes were pools of black as he moved past me, towards the back seat, shaking his head and cursing again. I heard one of the boys cry out, but couldn't tell if it was Charles or William, followed by the shriek of more bending metal. Edward's form blurred past me, brushing by me through the opening he had created where my door had caved in. I couldn't see their faces-he was moving too quickly-but I knew I saw two forms in his arms. My body relaxed in the knowledge that at least the boys were out...and then the truck exploded into flames around me. The very air was full of searing heat as I drew in a breath...and the last thought that I had as I felt the blazing air rushing by me was that Alice and Edward had both been wrong; there were no Volturi coming for me. I was going to be burned alive right here in this truck; they just hadn't known how to interpret her vision because there was a giant piece missing that she couldn't have seen...and he was going to burn right beside me.

* * *

_Okay, review please, and I promise not to leave you hanging, already working on the next update, and will post it soon... -E_


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